I shudder when I hear people say things like “marriage is just a piece of paper. It doesn’t mean anything.” And I used to believe that also, until I tried being married. Maybe a marriage license is a piece of paper, but an actual marriage can be a wonderful thing.
The picture above is of my niece at her wedding. The one we drove 3,000 miles to attend in Key West, Florida, back in December ’12. I hope they look at their pictures with love and hope on those days of baggy sweatpants and unbrushed hair. On those cold dark mornings after being up all night with a teething fitful baby.
A wedding is a great way to kick off a marriage, especially for the bride and groom. They are standing up together in front of family and friends to pledge their commitment to each other in front of witnesses. I think this is a good memory to have when the hard times come, as they always do. Sickness, disagreements, financial difficulties, crazy in-laws and the whole cornucopia of the marital roller coaster ride.
As long as I’m pontificating on marriage I may as well weigh in on the same sex marriage debate. My opinion is that 2 people who love each other should be allowed to make a legal pledge of love and commitment to each other regardless of gender. Being the opposite gender is no guarantee of a happy marriage and being the same gender is not a recipe for disaster. So sayeth I and that’s the enough for now.
For older married couples a wedding is a wonderful time machine to look back on those honeymoon days with one’s spouse and all the ways you have grown and changed. You get to set back and have the wise chuckle of experience knowing that this happy couple is only on their first baby steps of a journey through heaven and hell together.
Mr. Husband and I went to see Twilight Saga – Breaking Dawn Part 2 yesterday. I was so stoked and loved every minute of it. Mr. Husband sighed and fidgeted and laughed at things that weren’t supposed to be funny. There were a few times that I was tempted to kick him, but managed to control myself.
The Twilight Saga seems to be one of the series of books and movies that people either absolutely love to the point of fanaticism, or loathe beyond all reason. Hubman and I are definitely in opposite camps on this one. He likes the manly man, blow up everything, 15 minute car chase, and shoot every anything that moves, The Dirty Dozen type of movies.
I like some of them too. The Matrix series and Bladerunner are pretty violent, but there’s enough lovey dovey stuff in there to make up for it. The characters against all odds end up loving each other and doing things like, eeeww, kissing in public, and even, dare I say it, make love on occasion. Oh my God. That just ruins all the delicious violence for some guys, I guess.
We ended up having a humongous 2 day long fight, with tears, cold shoulders and the whole bit over the subject of whether or not he would accompany me to this movie. I’ve been looking forward to it since that the very second after Breaking Dawn Part 1 ended. His response the first time I asked him to go with me a couple of months ago was “I don’t really don’t want to. Can’t you go with someone else?” He conveniently does not remember this. I didn’t want to go with someone else dammit! I wanted to go with my husband!
What really got me worked up into a world of hurt was thinking back over the last few months. He’s been really busy with annoying attorneys, working on some Masters of the Universe business deal. His mother got diagnosed with breast cancer, but she’s going to be fine, they caught it very early. All this stuff has been going and I’ve been sort of sneaking around like a house mouse feeling ignored and neglected.
I’ve tried to be adult, understanding, patient and all that good stuff, but then it hit me. Over these last few months I’ve asked for ONE THING and got turned down. That’s one of my hot buttons. In my life it’s very difficult to ask for help or anything else because “no” hurts a lot. As a result I rarely asked for anything. So I asked him during this fight to think back and tell me what is that one thing that I’ve asked for. Just one thing, think about it, Bubba.
He launched on his usual tirade about he doesn’t know what I want; he doesn’t know what to do to make me happy. I responded with “well you could make a good start by just listening to me. It’s not really as difficult as you make it sound.” Come on try again. Think back again. I ask you “what is the one thing that I’ve asked of you in the last 3 or 4 months?”
I could practically see his brain churning. Then he got a look of incredulity on his face that was almost comical. He said “is this about that movie?” My answered “Yes, this is about that movie, but it’s more than just the movie. It’s the fact you turned me down when I asked you for one little thing. I haven’t asked you for anything else. I haven’t asked for expensive stuff, or long weekends at the spa, or a trip to the moon. I asked you for 2 hours of your time to do something that I enjoyed and you turned me down!”
So anyway, we went to the movie. Came home had another fight, cried, made up again and decided that we really need to work on our communication skills.
Ah, the Destination Wedding. Please spare me the joy. I’ve traipsed down the aisle to wedded bliss three times now. This last one is going to stick if for no other reason than I’m never doing it again!
Awww, big hugs to you Mr. Husband, I love you with all my heart and even more than my luggage. But honey, if you dropped dead tomorrow, I would spent the rest of my life being a merry widow. No one could replace you! ?! (Wonder if I get extra kudos for that) OK, I’m old and bit jaded. So what’s your point?
Young brides, please listen to me. I know that a wedding is your special day. But in the big picture, it’s just one day. Do you really want to start out your married life by alienating all your friends and relatives? A destination wedding is the ultimate scenario of “I want Daddy and everyone else to fund my fantasies” and it goes downhill from there.
Ladies, if you want to get married in a tree house in Borneo wearing fig leaves and a fruit hat. Go for it. Just don’t expect us all to troop over to Borneo with you. Wouldn’t it be more romantic to have a small private ceremony with just the Groom , the minister, and few close friends who want to be there?
Going on a trip is an expensive and exhausting proposition and should only be undertaken when people are going where they want to go for the reason they want to go there. For some of us it may be the only trip we can afford for several years or decades. If the economy keeps sliding down the tube. Hee hee, I had to slip that in there just for hell of it.
There are many things I’d rather do than pay big bucks to spend a few days cooped up with gaggle of cranky relatives and in-laws I only see once a year at an open bar. Some of my in-laws have made it excruciatingly clear that is how they feel about me also, just for the record. I never understand that. I’m such a likable person and I’m neeeever sarcastic or snide, when I’m asleep. Which I will be after 3 beers.
Another thing that gets me after these destination weddings is that it kind of feels like I’m invited to the honeymoon. I’m always tempted to go bang on the newlywed’s heart shaped door and yell “hey, what’s with you two??? The party is still rocking. I came all the way to Borneo to see you two kids hanging all over each other, being all lovey dovey. In luv 4ever. So get down to the pool pronto. Make it snappy!”… “And put some damn Visine in your eyes, we’re taking pictures!” Lots of pictures, thousands of pictures.
I guess I should be honored to be invited to the wedding. And I am, but hey.
Just wanted to share that the love story of Mr. Husband and me got published on Susan Amestoy’s blog So How Did you Meet Anyway. Thank you Susan and big hugs to the Hub Man. Your love helps me stay strong. The post was on November 18th. The title is From Fantasy to Reality.
Thursday was our 4th wedding anniversary. Mr. Husband and I have been together for 8 years. I think it’s gonna last. Go team go. We had dinner at Ruth Chris steak house. Ate a fabulous filet mignon. For dessert a chocolate explosion and Irish coffee. Oh the deliciousness.
Husbands are good stuff. Well mine is. I wouldn’t settle for less anymore. If you are married it’s a good idea to step back once in a while and make a mental list of the good things. When they’re on the sofa unshaven and foaming at the mouth over a foot ball game is probably not the time though.
Mr. Husband buys me flowers He hugs me when I cry. He’s given up trying to ask me why or tell me not to. He moves heavy stuff around. He’s great for hiding behind when some weirdo comes to the door. Husbands make an excellent excuse. For example, someone asks me about something and I don’t want to do it or go there, I can stall with “well let me talk to my husband about it.” That excuse is wearing thin though, because those who know me well know that he couldn’t/wouldn’t stop me if I’ve made up my mind.
He puts air in my car tires. He threatens fax machines with a handgun on my behalf. OK, to be fair we heard a noise and thought it was a home invasion. But seriously, is there anyone out there that who has not wanted to kill a fax machine? They are such a pain.
Just for a hoot I Googled the word husband. I was rather shocked by the hits that showed up. After the usual dictionary definition of the word husband the very next link was “9 Signs Your Husband is Gay.” Is that really the number one question about husbands these days? Logical dictates that you sort this stuff out before the marriage. Who knows. I would want to know if I was the strawberry in my fiance’s champagne before we tied the knot. It was an article from the Huffington Post so maybe that shot it to the top of the search engine.
The next link on the list is myhusbandisannoying.com. It doesn’t seem like a good idea to devote an entire blog to how annoying your spouse is. To much concentrating on the negative for my taste. Mr. husband annoys me at times. But, I’m certain that I annoy him on a regular basis. A sure sign is that he rolls his eyes, huffs off to his office and closes the door.
Next in line was How to be a Good husband at wiki-how, followed by Money Stress: How to Talk to Your Husband or Wife About Money Matters. That’s one that Mr. Husband and I squabble about occasionally. Fortunately for us it’s more of a control issue than actual amount of money involved.
Next on the list is cheating husband, and then spanking a husband. Excuse me? Evidently there is one flavor of domination where the wife is boss and spanks the naughty hubby. Not my cup of tea. I have enough work being the boss of myself, thank you very much. And then there is the runaway husband. That’s just sad. Unless violence is involved and you are running for your life, it’s an honor-less, chicken shit way to end a relationship.
So anyway, hoorah for husbands. I love mine and that’s the truth!