A Squirrel Ate My Car

Warsaw Squirrel

My car is haunted. No really, I swear! Nothing serious, just annoying  little glitches. First the satellite radio wonked out and decided to play nothing but the Catholic channel and weather from Wisconsin. I live in Texas so not much help there. I briefly wondered if it was some kind of sign from the cosmos, but decided “nah.” Next thing to go was the rear passenger window. It would randomly slide up and down. Slowly, not that wham bang sound that makes you jump out of your skin when the window glass collapses down inside the car door. The dome light took on a life of it’s own.

I’m one of those go with the flow kinda people so I didn’t pay much attention. However, when the windshield wiper fluid stopped squirting, it started bugging me. Then the turn signals began blinking so fast it was giving me a headache. Enough already. When the husband announced that my headlight was out, I had to bite the bullet and take the girl to the dealership.

I thought it was going to be a quick in and out. Noooooo. The next day the service manager called me to announce that there “was something alive” in my engine. “Say what?” “Well, Mrs. X, a small animal has taken up residence in your engine and is chewing up the wires like they were corn on the cob.”  We’re talking major damage here. The insurance adjuster went to the dealership, took pictures, and agreed that it was indeed pitiful. My car needed a new wiring harness,  a new seal for the windshield, and various hoses. The fun continued when they did something to the transmission and had to replace a valve. The grand total – $2,500.

Mr. Assistant Service Manager assures me that the critter is no longer in there. Now, how does he really know that? Seems when it gets really cold around here the squirrels decide to have a party in your cozy warm engine block. It’s not done being cold around here.

He tried to comfort me by sharing that the previous person to come in the shop discovered his own personal squirrel in the passenger compartment. Yeee Haaa. Can you imagine toodling down the highway and some furry creature starts bouncing off the interior of your car?  I would probably shoot across 4 lanes of traffic, screaming like my hair is on fire, and end up in ditch with a lot of explaining to do.

I asked the service manager if he had any ideas about how I might prevent this from happening again.

“Fox Urine” he chirps.
Um, Gross. “Anything else?”
“Well some people have had success with mothballs…”
“Mothballs? Won’t you smell that when you turn the engine on?”
“Well yes, but most people don’t mind.”

Dodge Charger

Well, I’m not most people and there will be a snowballs in hell before I drive around with fox urine or Ode de Mothballs stinking up my car. Guess I’ll just have to take my chances with the squirrels. The up side to this adventure was that I got to cruise around town for a week in a rented cherry red Dodge Charger.

10 responses

  1. Ugh. I had a large rat die under my radiator recently, and was warned of how much damage to cars rodents can cause. Thankfully he simply expired there without shredding things like you experienced.

  2. Funny stuff!

  3. Wow funny story. I didn’t know squirrel can dwell in a car engine.

  4. Well, my friend once had a cat inside her engine. The kitty crawled into her car during a cold night and when she started the engine the following morning it went mewoooooouuuuuu then the car started sputtering and died. She turned the engine on again and it was running fine, so she took it to her mechanic who took one look at the engine and shook his head. No hope for the kitty, but he could clean the mess for her.
    I don’t remember right now how much she spent to clean all the mess, but she stayed at least one week without her car until they cleaned the entire engine and other stuff that got all dirty with the kitty remains.

  5. I loved your story. You sound like my kinda person. We only have good squirells in Oklahoma, the kind that run around all cute in the park. 😉

  6. Hilarious and expensive…
    I just was commenting in other blog about platitudes as “God never gives you more than you can handle…” and so on and I wrote they are usually meaningless, but…
    I’ve been living in Africa for several years and I can tell you things can go really much worse.

    I hope the following will be of comfort. Somehow…
    Seven army officers burnt at least seven old tires in seven hours that were spent in an attempt to capture a huge snake that had sneaked into the bonnet of a Botswana Tele-Communications (BTC) employee’s car in Francistown.
    The large snake was seen disappearing under the vehicle on Monday morning this week and was only captured and killed at around three o’clock in the afternoon.
    The owner of the car who preferred not to be named said: “I had left my car at the parking lot when I clocked for duty in the morning only to be called some few minutes later and told that a big snake was seen getting into the bonnet of my car.”
    In an effort to remove the snake from the car the Botswana Defense Force (BDF) snake handlers initially drove around and also raved the car several times to heat the engine, but the serpent just stayed put in its new hiding place.
    In their next strategy the officers burnt old tires, hoping that the smoke choke and drug it, but still the snake held on and kept popping out its head once in a while, until later after lunch. It was only captured after it fell on an old tire, which was strategically placed under the bonnet of the car.
    Although the soldiers had a mission to capture the serpent, the crowd that had formed and waited desperately at the scene stoned and killed the huge snake instantly.

    Asked to comment on the incident, the vehicle owner said he had nothing much to say on how the snake ended up in his car.
    “I don’t know why and how it got into my car but all I can tell you is that I have been waiting for hours to drive my car,” said the man who quickly jumped into his car and drove away at high speed.

  7. Har Har Har -so funny…war on rodents…out here in sun city az, there is a rabbit population that is quite voracious. i knew “snowbirds” who came back in the fall to find their carport vehicles really chewed up. Of course, it’s a miracle that they do even survive with all the coyotes walking the streets. it’s very odd seeing pack animals roaming quiet little suburban senior streets. Oh yuck! sorry about the pee – what nasty little suckers!

    1. Yikes. I no longer think of rabbits as cute. What a horror show.

  8. Sweet! If I am ever asked why I moved back to Florida, I’ll direct the questioner here. Being cold is not only unpleasant, but it’ll cause vermin to destroy your car!

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