It’s Not Easy Being Me


Adam Watson Art

Be yourself because everyone else is taken … Oscar Wilde.

It’s not easy being me. Problem number one: I don’t know who I am. Yea, yea, I know my name, where I live, and even recognized my husband in bed this morning.

But think about, mother calls and I am the girl she raised. Hang up the phone, husband enters, I’m the woman he married. Sometimes I’m the  bossy big sister, oldest of 6 siblings.

At the office I am an executive assistant; organized, professional, a trouble-shooter, confidant, gopher, and now replaceable by someone in Mexico. I’m a mother, grandmother, aunt, friend, fellow trouble maker.

What I fantasize about the most, when left to my own resources, is travel. The farther and more different the better. What I do need to do is learn how to be my own best friend. Not my worse enemy or most vehement critic. I label myself a scatter brained perfectionist. Have a checkerboard of interests, too many to complete in one lifetime. Heard once that if you have never made a mistake that you have never tried anything new. Well, let’s put it this way, I’ve tried a lot of new things.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. Dr. Seuss

It always seemed that describing myself is akin to trying to hit a moving target. I am a constantly moving target. Just about the time I think I have me figured out, Bam! Everything changes, all bets are off.

My Imagination

I spent years, maybe decades reading self-help and self-improvement books. Written from so many angles it makes my head spin. Then one happy day I discovered an article. Don’t remember when, or who wrote it. The author claims that reading self-improvement books implies that we are somehow broken. Not OK, damaged. To me this means that I am already a finished creation that got  knocked of the mantle while dusting and need repair. It also means that I’m all I ever will be and that my whole life is behind me.

Well I prefer the “work in progress” theory. Instead on obsessing on what I need to fix or improve I am going to focus on the creation process. The raw materials are the gifts that God gave me and my life experiences so far. Good or bad, they are mine.

Will I end up looking like a patched together old house? One room at a time added over the years. Or will I be an arboretum full of exotic plants? A combination of both? I think it would be fun to be a dandelion. The first spring breeze carries me on the wind to places unknown.

12 responses

  1. Oscar Wilde and Dr Seuss… my two favorite wits in the history of literature.

    Well, maybe that’s a foolish statement, given that Mark Twain, Douglas Adams, and Kurt Vonnegut also wrote books and said exceedingly clever things when doing so.

    Anyway, do you ever envy people who know what they are? YoYo Ma is a cellist. Stephen King is a novelist. An old co-worker of mine was definitively and confidently a car salesman.

    What am I? Don’t know. I hope I figure it out some day. Or maybe I don’t.

    1. I sort of do envy people who know who they are. I’m working on being one of those people.

  2. Couldn’t help but notice your Retirement Countdown Center . . . 2 months, 2 weeks, 5 days!!! Are you planning to travel then, start a hobby such as photography, plant a garden . . . ? A new season is approaching you so think about fulfilling your purpose in that season, the people you’ll meet and the people you’ll bless. Seasons are easier to manage than an entire life. It sounds exciting!

    1. By the way, how do I change my image pic?

      1. You need to make a gravatar account and load a picture of yourself. Go to http://en.gravatar.com/
        It will follow you around to different blogs and other things so you don’t have to keep loading a picture.
        Send me an email, if you need help 🙂

    2. I’m planning all of the above Girlfriend 🙂 I’m getting excited. Right now my main hobby is reading books about writing and this blog. If I had realized how much I would enjoy it I would have done it years ago. 🙂 The garden is going to have wait until it’s not so cold that my fingers break off though. LOL

  3. Trouble-makers unite! Love the image of dandelion fluff blowing willy nilly in the breeze.

  4. Amen sisters of the Heart…I am tired of people telling me what to do with my life if they don’t have a better solution than mine…I’ve paid my dues too – maybe didn’t raise any kids, but took care of my parents, and everyone else for 25 years (i was in healthcare, so no matter what my bad deeds I am assured my place in heaven)….I’m human too, and I bleed if you stick me…. mentally, spiritually as well as physically…..but i guess everyone expects us to “suck it up”… well I’m done sucking up… i’m going to kick some booty next time someone tries to abuse me. OOOPS – maxine’s daughter got loose again. peace out, zig

  5. What a wonderful post, and I do beleive that if you have any age on you at all, you have been there. We are everyone and everything to everybody (so to speak). I think becoming who we are suppose to be takes lots of practice and understanding. some know very quickly in thier life what they are suppose to be and other struggle through the entire looking life for the understanding.

    Trying to be your own best friend is difficult. I have found for myself, I may be my friend one day and kick my own tail the next. It is a balancing act for me. Learned habits are so, so difficult to break.

  6. Embrace it! Be it! Do it! You sure ain’t broke, so you don’t need fixing… And just because you aren’t getting any taller, doesn’t mean you aren’t still growing… I think now that the ‘grunty’ human stuff is complete (mostly related raising my children – and all the work that involved in and out of the house) I am free at last to pursue the wild horses of my mind. My life has never been better, more creative, more passionate or happier. I think I’ve sloughed off most of the old roles. I like it!

    1. thank you. I am tired of trying to fix myself. and to please who?? well no more of that!

      1. thank back. and yes i am my own best friend.

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