Vacuum Cleaners are for Sissies

My New Toy - A New Vacuum

I had a rather astounding thought occur earlier today. It stopped me in my tracks. Maybe I’ll try my hand at housewifery. It may have occurred to me before but it didn’t work out somehow.

Today will go down in history as the day I bought a vacuum cleaner. Been telling husband we need a new one for over a year. I made the command decision to buy one without previous consultation or discussion ad nauseam. The new toy is purple and looks a bit garish out in the back yard but that’s not where I’m going to use it so, so what.

Used to hate vacuum cleaners because they were noisy, dusty and expensive. I also thought that any bourgeoisie capitalist that owned one was too lazy to sweep the floor. My how things have changed. This viewpoint morphed a bit over the years. Trying to dust mop an entire house recently cured me altogether. I just wish cleaning gadgets were, well… more fun to look at and actually worked. The one that I am kicking to the curb in the morning sucked stuff in the front and shot it out the back so hard it stung my ankles.

Photo Credit: Universal Studios

What would be really cool is the one in this photo of Hugh Jackman in Van Helsing. It’s a repeating cross-bow that looks like it’s made with scavenged vacuum cleaner parts. Now that’s what I’m talking about. A useful AND fun gadget.

When it comes to cleansers, I’m a minimalist. Have never seen the logic in having separate chemicals for every bit of your house. Toilet cleaner, counter cleaner, hardwood cleaner, tile cleaner, wood cleaner, upholstery cleaner, laundry soap, bleach silver polish, brash polish, it boggles the mind.

I bought a can of Woolite rug cleaner last year and after getting it home and reading the fine print it is “not recommended for use on Wool.” Huh? I’m amazed thousands of people don’t drop dead every year from gassing themselves with all these stupid chemicals. And it says right there on the bottles, do not mix this stuff. Yet people mix the fumes by using one in the bathroom and another one 5 feet away in hall.

I had to take a friend to the hospital once because she mixed bleach and ammonia in the toilet bowl. I didn’t ask why, but she’s one of those people who thinks that if you aren’t in pain you didn’t try hard enough. They wanted to keep her overnight, but she wouldn’t stay. Another case of house wife masochism to add to the statistics.

When left to my own devices, and no one is micromanaging me, I could clean the whole house, top to bottom, with Windex and Lemon Oil. That’s it, don’t need all that other junk and I hate the way it smells. Floors, counter, stove, ceiling fan, furniture, picture frames, cat, dog, or anything that gets in my way would submit to these 2 ingredients.

Ever since I moved in with the husband, we have had a housekeeper who comes once a week. Looking back I didn’t realize how much exercise I got cleaning house. I’ve put on at least 20 pounds from this luxury alone. When she misses a week and I do some of the major cleaning I almost have a stroke. It’s hard work!

2 responses

  1. enjoy your new toy!! I need one since Im allergic to dust and I do everything by myself, so it´s an ally!!

    1. They are good for allergies.

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