What Part of “Bite Me” Do You Not Understand?


There will always be people who think that calling endless meetings make them important.  That’s corporate life, it will never change. These perpetual meeting machines are a legend in their own mind. “Let’s see if you dare not attend, HA! … Where were you?” … “Uh, bite me!”  Is that sufficiently clear and concise, or would you prefer I use visual aids? As in I beat you over the head with your project manual?”

Unspoken rules prevent you from saying “I was asleep in the  bath room.”  The very thought of another one of your meetings knocked me out better than an Ambien and a shot of Jack Daniels. Honey Pie, if you could bottle this, the drug companies would either hire you or have you killed.”

If you do dare to be absent, the meeting snoreganizer will mention some pathetic drivel of  info that she will withhold from non-attending slackers. At the next meeting she will point out with fiendish glee, that you would know that if you had been at the last meeting. Oh really? That assumes I was listening to you. Not.

Today there is a meeting that 10 of us must attend. The person who called the meeting will not be there. The only topic for the meeting is that ONE person needs to say when she is going to put her documents from previous years in a box to ship off to storage. This ONE person must tell the meeting organizer her answer.

It has nothing to do with anyone but the Project manager and this one procrastinator. So 10 of us are going to sit in a room for 30 minutes twiddling our thumbs and examining the ceiling fixtures. Could this answer be handled with an email? Or course, but that is not the point.   To seem professional this issue  must be handled in the most tedious manner possible. Usually with a 50 page Powerpoint Presentation to add to the festivities.

This project manager will of course call another meeting because she did not attend this meeting. Oh Lord, give me patience to not strangle her. Only 9 days to go and I won’t have to put up with this nonsense. I’ll be laughing all the way to airport. Wonder if I could learn how to jump up and click my heels together before next Friday?

8 responses

  1. Great title!

  2. I may be totally obnoxious, I suppose, but if I attend a meeting and the organiser is more than 5 minutes late, I leave. I say to the remaining participants “Call me when the meeting starts”. Being late is all about looking powerful: “I’m so important you will all wait for me”. Sorry, no, I won’t. I have work to do and if you think your work is so much more important than mine, let’s see what happens to the company if everyone other than you (the late one) stops doing their clearly so unimportant work!

    1. I so agree with you. Unfortunately as the “secretary,” I have to be there to operate the phone to make the conference call, or whatever. My boss has a cow if I’m late to a meeting. God forbid anyone break a nail by doing it themselves.

      1. I don’t think we have secretaries any more. We do have PAs (Personal Assistants) – why use one word when two will do – but we do expect our managers to be able to operate a phone, conference or not. Now, a large meeting being recorded – that is a little differnt, I agree. 🙂

  3. Meetings were always my least favourite way of working… and… somehow over the years, I just started falling asleep in them as a means of escape. Especially in large meetings – once the lights came down for the powerpoint presentation – I was out with them. The shuffling of the lights coming back on woke me up…
    Interesting effect that had though on my last company… they started teasing me about sleeping through the presentations and I said something to the effect that when they were interesting enough to keep me awake I would stay awake, but sitting in a warm dark room for 45 minutes while someone droned on monotonously about something that didn’t interest me, well, I just couldn’t halp myself… after the initial offense was taken and my rudeness roundly gossiped about, the presentations got shorter and punchier and they asked my advice on how to make them more interesting… they really did get better. And so did the meetings… it would have been great, but I really did miss my naps…

    1. Oh how I wish I could have slept through the meetings. But I tend to slump over in a heap, drool, and even snore. I actually fell out of my seat into the isle of an airplane once from falling so soundly asleep. That’s the real reason I keep my seat belt fastened 🙂

  4. Thanks, I counting the days!

  5. I truly feel for you! I hate office meetings too!

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