In Case of Emergency

emergency

In Case of Emergency - Drink Rasberry Liquore

In case of emergency break glass. After scrutinizing the emergency kit carefully, there is a glaring exception. There is not a bottle of bourbon in there! If the conductor has to bash me out of my room with a sledge hammer or a crowbar, I’m going to need a good stiff drink. One itty-bitty band-aid won’t cut it.

During this journey I’ve gathered some tips. I hope will help me and whoever staggers in my footsteps. Now I’m speaking specifically of trains in the USA, Amtrak. The following are my informal rules for train travel.

Before boarding the train (pre-travel), try showering in a phone booth while clenching a toothbrush in your teeth. You lose points if you drop the toothbrush or jam it up your nose. You get a blue ribbon if the phone booth is on an angle. Add to that a gold star if you persuade a friend to load up the phone booth in his pickup truck and drive over speed bumps at 70 mph.

train kit

In Case of Emergency - Break Glass

  • Train travel is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get. (Forest Gump) But get real, they are all chocolate.
  • Wait until after dinner to have a drink. Any sooner and you will get so groggy that someone will have to drag you to dinner by your shirt collar, and that would be embarrassing.
  • Don’t complain. Just don’t! In a delay or malfunction, everyone is in the same situation. Listening to others whine just makes it worse for everyone else. Trust me. (this works for life in general)
  • Bring your emergency stash. A few miniatures of liquor will put a whole new light on any situation. I bought a little bottle of Chambord in Reno and we shared it right before pulling into Chicago.
  • Don’t even bother to expect to get anywhere on time. Only one who succeeded at that was Mussolini. Not a good trade-off.
  • Tip your car attendant well. He or she works their tail off. They can also make your life a living hell if you don’t behave. This is only an observation, of course. I never misbehave. Well not so bad I get in trouble on the train anyway.
  • Get to the dining car early, they run out of the good stuff. But, the other stuff is good too, so don’t panic.
  • Don’t get your knickers in a twist if the conductor sits down and eats the desert they told you they were out of. He can throw you off the train if you sass him.
  • Pull your pants legs up in the restroom, unless you want the hem of your pants to become awash with God only knows what.
  • Look out the window, relax and enjoy. It’s a nonstop show. Put away the laptop!

12 responses

  1. Welcome back. Will check out your romantic journey 🙂

  2. I like your emergency plans better than the standard model!

  3. Your friend Titirangi Storyteller recommended your blog to me. Have you heard of VibrantNation.com? We are the largest online community for Vibrant Women 50+- the place where they connect and support each other on issues unique to life after 50, including fashion, beauty, family, relationships, work, money and sex. We would be honored to have your blog republished on our site, or to have you write specifically for our site – your choice. We know that our growing membership base would appreciate your voice on our site, and we believe you will gain new followers as well. If you’re interested, please contact me. beth@vibrantnation.com

      1. Not spam… I was invited to join Vibrant Nation about a year ago and I mirror my blog over there. They’ve got quite a lot of members, so I’ve essentially got two sets of followers, one on the open internet, the other on VN. I think you’d be a great addition over there (www.vibrantnation.com).

  4. Since I love all sorts of adventures, I am definitely looking into a train ride. That will be next year’s project. Glad you are having a great adventure and meeting people (one of my favorite things to do) and writing about it. Chug on, girlie.

    1. hehe chug on is my new motto!

  5. I’ve always loved train travel too and I do not the phone booth shower a bit!

    Actually, you’ve given me an idea – I must take the family on a train trip after they arrive………..

    1. It will be great. My sister has decided to take a trip with her husband and 2 sons.

  6. Great travel blog. I love it and now I want to take a train trip. Thanks for sharing. Pat Bean

    1. Glad you are inspired. I had a wonderful time.

  7. What a lovely journey! I am so envious… but then… I am thinking of the overnight train I took from Beijing to Xian. Other than pulling up your pants legs in the loo, it was nothing nothing nothing like your trip. If your curious about mine, seach for “Romantic train journey in China” – after you get back home and have a little time on your hands. ;-} I’m just back from my Malaysian adventure now…

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