Raw Oysters Anyone?

Oysters on the grill

Oysters on the Grill

Never try to brow beat someone to try a raw oyster. I’ve tried it. It doesn’t work. Now, I LOVE raw oysters. However this was not always so. The people who lured me to the dark side got me so drunk on Heineken that I would have tried eating mushrooms that grew under the house on a dare.

That fateful day of the great oyster experiment is burned into my own mental hall of shame. It was the day I laughed at mother while she appeared to be choking to death. I had been telling her for years that she would love them if she only tried them. I shared that I had succeeded after 87 Beers and a few shots of firewater. Looking back, that’s not really a glowing recommendation, but I thought so at the time.

I convinced her to try it, so off we go to a famous oyster house in New Orleans on Bourbon Street. What could go wrong? We solemnly consumed several beers and a shot of Crown Royal, and then it was time for the oysters. I told her to drown one in horseradish sauce and just swallow it whole. Then she could graduate to chewing one.

The bar tender also knew that it was her first time so he stood in front of us to witness this rite of passage. She put an oyster in her mouth and made motions to swallow it. I looked at the bartender and then back to her. She now had a look of terror on her face and was grasping her throat. The damn thing didn’t go down. I shouted “swallow it!” She shook her head and started to turn pale.

Now I freaked and smacked her on the back so hard I almost knocked her off her bar stool. The oyster flew out of her mouth and splatted on the bar so hard it took flight again and bounced off the bar tenders chest and came to its final resting place on the floor behind the bar.

There was a millisecond of shocked silence and then the bartender and I started laughing. We lost it and were laughing so hard that we couldn’t breathe and begged the Gods for mercy. My mom gave us both the evil eye and asked for shot of Crown. He gave it to her, on the house.

She finally said “OK well, I’m glad you two are amused, but I’m never trying a raw oyster again!” That just set us into howls of laughter again. The bartender finally managed to gasp “Lady, if that had happened to me I would never even set foot In a seafood place for the rest of my life.”

Mother forgave me. But I learned a lesson that day. Just cuz you like something doesn’t give you the right to insist that others try it. The results could be fatal.

13 responses

  1. great post , I tried raw oysters , did not fancy them though . but that’s me .
    it’s the usual story every time , whenever I go with my wife either at home in Syria or abroad I choose the most weird entry on the menu and she usually would go with steak .and whenever my order comes I usually end up eating her fries or ordering some more conventional dish.

    1. I used to do the weirdest thing on the menu until my stomach decided to take a stand and fight back. Now I order my favorite or something that I’ve at least heard of 🙂

  2. I have one word for raw oysters…………………….. YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. very funny anecdote!!! well, now that everything turned out fine, of course!!

    1. Yes it would have been extremely embarrassing if my mother had choked to death. And I would never hear the end of it. 😛

  4. Silly girl! One must sip champagne with raw oysters! A lot of it!
    You must come to NZ and experience the Bluff Oyster. They were my introduction. I’d tried raw oysters before and referred to them as snot on the half-shell. Then along came the Bluff Oyster, somehow crisp and clean and perfect for putting in your mouth… Divinity!
    I can handle regular oysters raw now, but not too many. I have not ever had ‘enough’ Bluff Oysters – they are simply way to expensive. If I get a dozen to myself I know the gods are smiling on me.

    1. Oh one must sip champagne and lots of it for any reason! The bluff oysters sound delicious, NZ is going on my destination list.

  5. I’ll skip the oysters but take an extra shot of Crown.

    1. Good plan!

  6. That story is awesome! I’ve never tried a raw oyster, but what happened to your mom would probably happen to me. Can I just starting pass it off as what happened to me, too?

    1. He he. Are you sure you want to do that? The cosmos might play a trick on you and choke you on something at an inopportune moment. 🙂

  7. Great advice! Hope you continue to avoid disaster on your journies.

    1. ha ha … thank you. Me too.

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