It’s All Over But the Shouting

deadlineWell NaNoWriMo came and went. I saw, I tried and it kicked my ass. Then I spent another week kicking my own ass. Tried and failed, blah, blah, blah. Couldn’t commit to paper a measly 50 thousand words in 30 days.

Never mind that’s a huge task. It never ceases to amaze me…the things I say to myself. I wouldn’t say such things to a friend or loved one, but I’ll rip my own self a new one at every opportunity. If I lived back on the dark ages I would probably be one of those people who whipped themselves occasionally in front of a cross.

Outrageous deadlines are always in the top 3 of the most hated aspects of corporate life. So what does the great and logical me do? Assign my own self a huge honking deadline and tell me it will be fun. The same thing I struggled with at the corp beehive. It’s a challenge! It will make you a better person. You never know productive you can be until you push yourself. Ah, such pretty words. But, such deadly words. Productivity just for the sake of being productive is a hamster wheel, but familiar. I was floundering around in this “retirement” phase of my life and thought this would be the ticket back to safe and familiar ground.

Well, I am no longer a retired person. I don’t like that label at all. It makes me feel like I’m a past tense ghost of my former self. I’m a writer who just so happened, in the past, to work in a big high-tech rabbit warren. That’s the past…moving along now. Nothing to see here. It is simply part of what made me who I am today.

So every day is a new day. Going to stop trying to sew patches on my old life. I spent the last 6 months doing that and it didn’t work well. Now it’s time for me to reinvent my life wheel. Set my own standards and be me. Whoever the hell that is. I’ll figure it out.

12 responses

  1. “Now it’s time for me to reinvent my life wheel. Set my own standards and be me. Whoever the hell that is. I’ll figure it out.”
    Great closing! I don’t think we ever figure it all out, but that’s okay.

    1. Maybe we never will figure out. But it will be fun trying.

  2. You still achieved. Maybe not the 50,000 words, but you still achieved because you at least got along the path and you learnt things!

    I liked “Going to stop trying to sew patches on my old life.” I thought that was very good!

    1. Yes I did achieve. Hoorah! I’m setting this book aside for a while though. One can only dig up so much of the past at a given time. Any more for me is going to flip me right out. Will stick to pure fiction for a while.

  3. We had NaNoWriMo in our house through my husband. He didn’t make it either. But as to the post, I like very much the parallels you draw between what we hate in the world of work, and what we force on ourselves personally. I had never thought about that – but I see it in my life as well. Thanks for this.

    1. Glad you enjoyed. It was a shock to me when I realized what I was doing to myself.

  4. It ain’t over – it’s just beginning… great analogy though – sewing patches on your old life… that part is over for sure – but just look at all the cool stuff that’s coming – and so much easier and more fun to do without a lot of baggage weighing you down!

    And what you said about the NaNoWriMo – goes for me too… not fussed though… not really…

    1. I meant the NaNoWriMo is over…not my life 🙂 I’m so looking forward to the fun and cool stuff.

  5. I loved this sentence “I’m a past tense ghost of my former self”, so familiar a feeling …

    You´ll make it girl !!!!

    1. I certainly hope so 🙂

  6. I, too, say pretty awful things to myself. But, I have to admit, that challenge would kick my ass, as well, kick it and then some. I’m just not a fast writer. I need time.

    I say congratulations on trying!


    1. Thank you 🙂 The good thing about this particular one is that I still have the fruits of my efforts, which I will turn into a book at some time in the future.

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