Been spending the last week trying something new. I ripped the “should” guilt bone out of me with a pair of needle nosed pliers. I been doing exactly as I please or not doing what I don’t want to do. Those who know me may spit their coffee at this statement. “What I thought you already did that???” Well not really. With that evil little Should Monster standing on my shoulder I find that I do or not do many things out of defiance – even defiance of myself – more than doing as a I please. What a devious little bastage this Should Pixie is. Weaving a web of confusion so tight that I end up paralyzed.
The sneakiest thing Should does is prevent me from doing things that I know I will be happy when it’s handled. Pay bills and clean up the kitchen falls into this category. Mr. Husband has inadvertently helped my by throwing his back out. So he’s been flat on his back in bed and I’m like a kid in candy shop. I have this whole house as my playground. He can’t follow me around and question my every move. Should I take care of him? Well yea, technically I should. But, I want to take care of him. Because I love him, he’s my husband, best friend and partner in mischief.
So I’ve been cooking and cleaning the kitchen everyday. Oh…my…God. It’s not as bad as I thought it was going to be. It’s actually kind of fun. I put up our Christmas tree and decorated it. Wee haa! Even cleaned out my office a bit. It got away from me there for a while. A messy sanctuary doesn’t agree with me. I looked around the other day and thought wow, it finally looks like I live here. Not just the Hubman. My stereo is in the den now. It gathered dust in my office for 8 years. I turned of the infernal boob tube, loaded it up with CDs played them loud. Played what I wanted to listen to, not what I thought Mr. Husband would be the least likely to object to. How cool is that? It kinda feels like a second puberty.
In my off time from playing house, I’ve been beta testing online Game software. It’s hella fun. A very different game from the typical hack n slash. More cerebral. The game crashes a lot and bugs galore. I spend as much time reporting bugs as I do playing. We have to agree to an NDA to play it. No problemo. As a result I can’t say what game it is. It probably won’t be released commercially until late next year.
Another fun thing I’m doing is reading a book called “How To Write a Novel.” Imagine that. Surprise, surprise, writing a book is not as easy as it looks. Yes I know, a bit of sarcasm snuck in there. I tried the just let it flow where it wants to flow approach and it got really confusing. I ended up slamming against the writer’s brick wall. So I’m going to try the rough outline approach, a bit of structure and overview. Take all the snippets of my story and figure out where they belong in the big picture. After I figure out what the big picture is. It’s in my head somewhere I know it is. A flighty thing that keeps slipping out of sight when I try to pin it down.