Never Ending Crap Fest

screamThis fine morning I’m in bed asleep, peacefully minding my own business. Usually manage to stay out of trouble asleep. I awake to the sound of an animal yakking up something in the bedroom. Then it got weird. I get up to investigate and step in it. I hobble into the bathroom muttering various colorful and blasphemous curses that I’ll sum up as “EEEWWW” to discover poop on the bath mat. At this point I call Mr. Husband in for a consultation.

He seconds my opinion on the grossness of the situation, picks up the bath mat to head to the washing machine and slips in another pile of poo in the hallway. Even more colorful cursing ensues, of course. He cleaned his foot, where I don’t want to know. I cleaned 2 barf splats off the bedroom carpet and then fetch a cup of coffee to recuperate. I sit down on the sofa with a sigh and step in another pile of poo. This one strategically fired right at the foot of where I usually park my behind when in a vegetative state. I shriek, stand up and Hub-man comes running from the utility closet to see what is the matter and …yea you guessed it, steps in another pile of poo.

Pandemonium ensues and we’re on the verge of yakking ourselves at this point. I wanted to run screaming from the house and leave town, but I wasn’t dressed yet. We managed to pull it together and hunt the house for any other poo or yak bombs. Found another one in his office. My suggestion is we make good on the plan to send out the area rugs to the rug cleaner. And that furthermore, the cat and dog are on a strict diet of dry food and water, no table scraps, treats, lamb bones or anything else until we figure out what is wrong. We’ve been saying this for years but had not gotten around to it. Good quality Persian rugs can hide a multitude of sins but this is just way too much for either of us to ignore.

So I’m left wondering. Is the universe testing us, or is only that sometimes gross things happen to good people? I’ve heard it said, “eat a live frog for breakfast and nothing worse can happen the rest of the day.” I’m kinda hoping I ate that live frog this morning.

PS/Disclaimer: This is not normal behavior for Ms. Dog or Mr. Cat. The problem will be monitored and treated in compassionate and non-comedic manner. As in no one got spanked today!

3 responses

  1. You are a much more patient person than I. I got to the end of the second paragraph and was wondering, at what point did they cull the animals in the house 😉 I was astounded to learn that there are just two!

    1. only 2 and we couldn’t figure out which one did this. This is not normal behavior for them by the way 🙂

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