How we process information matters… a lot. Sometimes the simplest things can cause friction and misunderstandings in a relationship. Lately, I’ve been pondering the differences in Mr. Husband and my learning styles and methods of processing information.
A long time ago I read that where a person’s eyes move when they listening is a clue to how their brain processes information. If they look to the side they process info aurally (verbal). If they look up they are a visual processor. They are looking at something. If they look down they are a physical, tactile style learner.
Mr. Husband tends to look to the side when he’s telling me something. Like our financial update or what the schedule is for the week etc. He processes information aurally. He grew up in a talking family, his dad was a lawyer, and when Hubman joined the family business, they would talk and talk and talk and…..well you get the picture. AH HA! See, I said picture…not do you hear what I’m saying. How can anyone talk about a bank statement for an hour and a half for God’s sake? It’s all right there in black and white. The money is there or it isn’t. If something is wrong fix it. Talking about it for hours isn’t doing anything but listening to your head rattle.
I’m a visual processor. That’s probably why I blog instead of sing. The written word makes more sense to me reading rather than hearing it. Speak your phone number and I’ll forget it by the next blink. Write it on a piece of paper and I look at it, well I’ll probably remember even if I lose the paper. When I’m talking about something and trying to recall something specific, I’m looking up as if it’s written on the wall. I don’t handle auditory input well. If I have to sit in a lecture with nothing to look at I immediately fall asleep.
When the Hubman gets on one of his tangents where he wants to tell me entire run down of bank accounts, credit cards, insurance, safety deposit box, car registration, medical records, medical power, state or the union, whatever…zzzzz… my eyes roll up in my head. And I don’t digest anything he says after the word bank. I can see his lips moving, but it’s like I’m looking at a silent movie that I’ve seen way too many times. Now put that information on paper and I understand immediately.
I do have pretty bad tinnitus so I have trouble hearing sometimes anyway. But, I’m not deaf! I actually had my hearing checked because Mr. Husband told me that I had a problem when I couldn’t understand what he was saying. Never mind that he tends to trail off at the end of sentences. The rain in Spain stays mainly on the …mutter, mutter, mutter. Sometimes it comes across as non-committal…. EEEE NUN CEE ATE please.
My sentiment is that if you have something to say, say the whole damned thing at the same volume level. Say it loud, say it proud, or don’t say it. Don’t flop out a dead fish half said sentence and then make me drag it out of you, all the while acting as if there is something wrong with my hearing. By the way the doctor checked my ears, said I was fine and then told me to tell my husband to stop mumbling. HA HA HA, neener, neener, nya, nya. I love how mature I am.
Now turn the tables and show Mr. Husband a spreadsheet and he turns green. A few years ago I did a report broken down by month for an entire year of our spending habits. It took 2 whole days. I went through the check stubs, credit card statements, bills, everything. He claimed that I spent a lot of money on clothes, much more than he spent period.
Well the numbers said differently, I’ll have you know! Turns out he spent 3 times as much buying DVDs than I spent on clothes that year. But looking at it there on paper on a report, he didn’t believe it. I don’t think it even registered in his brain. I had to explain to him verbally my theory on where our fun money was actually going. His response was an eloquent “hmmfff.” My report was only supporting documentation and something to file away somewhere, not to actually look at.
He does all that money stuff in his head, which is fine because he has a good brain. He loves games where he is the master of the universe. Our brains work differently, that’s all. It doesn’t mean either one of them is superior to the other.