Hotel Owners Should Be Required by Law to Live in a Hotel Room at Least 2 Weeks a Year!

Don't Touch My Stuff

Don’t Touch My Stuff

That’s right, I think that hotel owners and managers should be required to live in one of their hotel rooms, anonymously, 2 weeks a year WITH ANOTHER PERSON. Yep, if I made laws this would be one, except that I object to passing laws in general almost to the point that I could fit into the category of an anarchist.

The 10 laws that God came up with pretty much cover everything, in my opinion.  I’m not even going to get into tax laws because I will start foaming at the mouth and it’s not a pretty sight.

So, back to hotel rooms.  Seriously, who thinks up the arrangement in these damned rooms anyway? Did somebody take notes from old I Love Lucy episodes or what? You never even saw their bathroom so I guess it didn’t exist. 2 cutesy little beds and no one ever decided to sleep at different times than their partner. Lying back on a pillow that at first seems soft and then collapses to envelop your head in a cocoon of polyester is always a delight. The pillow also doubles as a sleep mask, and if your partner decides to end you after being stuck in the same bizarre room for days, they don’t have to work up a sweat to smother you in your sleep.

And then there is the bathroom. True, I am a minimalist at heart, but come on! Hotels now provide you with 85 towels and no place to hang even 1.  But there is the chirpy little sign that asks you to save the planet and only throw your towel in the floor if you want a new one. Well hell yeah I want a new one.  If you gave me some place to hang a towel, I wouldn’t need a new one now would I?  I am not gonna pick up a towel off any floor anywhere at any time and reuse it.

Ah, counter space in the bathroom. I turn into a raging territorial baboon when it comes to my little corner of the bathroom counter.  I travel lite and keep it small, but it doesn’t seem to help. My attitude is; don’t touch my stuff, don’t put your stuff on or in my stuff, don’t even think about laying a wet towel on my stuff, don’t put the book that you were reading on the toilet on my stuff, and don’t dig through my stuff looking for something because you forgot to bring stuff you needed! Mr. Hubman has not figured out how much this pisses me off after 10 years together. I love him but he’s a slow learner. Perhaps if I beat him senseless with my dop kit I can get through to him.

Electrical Overload

Electrical Overload

On to electrical outlets. These are usually conveniently located on the ceiling, behind the 300 pound chest of drawers with a TV bolted to the top, or directly next to the coffee maker that only works every other Tuesday from 2 to 3 am. Outlets seem to hate being located anywhere near where someone might actually want to use one. Like near the desk or bed to plug in your phone that you use as an alarm clock, calendar, reminder list and, in moments of extreme boredom, playing games. Is that too much to ask? If there are 2 people in the room and both have a phone and laptop, plan on charging something in the bathroom. But don’t use them in the tub. That’s the only advice I can give you on the subject.

Wireless internet is progress that many hotels are implementing, but don’t always hit the mark. If you plan on using wireless in your room while traveling, practice at home first. Try browsing the internet while perched on one foot on a pillow or exercise ball. After you master that, try doing it with the laptop as close to the ceiling as possible to get a signal. You get extra points if you can type without seeing the keyboard.

Mr. Husband is a big man, but not that big. At our hotel in Chicago he sat on the corner of the bed to put on his boots and the bed collapsed. I thought it was uproariously funny. It would have been a lot funnier if it collapsed while we were in it. He was not amused. I stopped feeling amused when I ended up being the one to go to the front desk and tell them that we broke the bed. The man I talked to was polite and non-judgmental, apologizing profusely. The woman standing off to the side rolled her eyes.  I wanted to tell her that as tourists who had walked a thousand miles we were too tired to break the bed in the usual manner, but I decided to just let her think whatever she wanted to think.

So there you have it. Hotel Managers take heed. Are your ratings down? Stay a week or 2 in your hotel and you will feel your customer’s pain and know exactly what to do to get those ratings up.

14 responses

  1. Great post as usual.Off topic,I have seen an episode of I Love Lucy in the bathroom.(Not trying to split hairs here,just a fan.)The couples were fighting so Fred turned the water off to their apt. Lucy was stuck in the shower with her eyes closed because she had soap on her face.Ricky was shaving.Hilarity ensued.

    1. Hee hee, now I remember that episode. Imagine what would have happened it that happened in a hotel.

      Once when I was a kid they turned off our power when Mom wasn’t home. I went outside, broke the lock on the meter and turned the power back on. I told them I was going to do it, but they didn’t take a threat from a 12 year old girl seriously. Mom received a letter in the mail after that stating that if they had to turn the power off again, they would do it from the top of the pole. LOL

  2. Excellent list of gripes! I’d like to add a note about bedside lamps. I think they should be strong enough to read by, and they should shine on the book of the person who wants to read, not the person who is trying to go to sleep. In other words, two lamps, one for each person in the bed, would be ideal.

    1. Oh God, don’t get me started on lamps. They put them in the weirdest places. Usually there is none anywhere near the luggage rack. I’ve considered bringing a headlamp to wear when digging through my suitcase. The fact that almost everything I bring when traveling is black including my undies makes digging in my case quite an adventure. Maybe I should put braille tags on my clothing so I can find them in the dark.

      As for bedside lamps. Pffftttt. I gave up on that pipe dream years ago. I always bring a small LED clip-on book light for reading in bed. I got one at Barnes N Nobles a few years ago and I highly recommend it. It works with regular books and Kindle. I even managed to put it through the washing machine somehow and it still works. You can even use them as a flashlight in a pinch. I highly recommend them. 🙂

  3. What? Don’t use the laptop in the tub? Yeah, ya can certainly do a lot of walking in Chicago….speaking from experience!

    1. I’ve considered the lap top in the tub but decided not to. And the walking, well you know how it is. No matter what shoes you wear after a while enough is enough.

  4. Love this! Some places you should NOT stay in a hotel that is less than 5 stars… and even then you may be risking it, though I did not so I cannot say…
    – Amsterdam (10 flights of narrow, steep stairs and no lift – then hold onto your mate or you’ll roll to the floor) (great location and great breakfast)
    – Ljubljana (twin beds pushed almost together, suicide windows on the tenth floor, hotter than hell, grey food for breakfast)
    – Medan (They only had HOT water and charged US$1 for a cereal bowl of ice, only safe thing to eat from the breakfast buffet was the toast – even the locals recognised this),
    – Paris (room so tiny with suicide windows and a French maid from Dawn of the Dead, get off the bed and pivot to sit on the toilet)
    Mind you – I loved both Amsterdam and Ljubljana and would return in a heartbeat, but Paris – naah – too rude. As for Medan, I’d go back in a few years when they develop more of a tourist infrastructure. Sumatra is not for the faint of heart.

    I’ve spent a lot of time in Asia and stayed in dozens of 3-4 star hotels – they definitely get the best marks… beautiful, spacious rooms, great staff, and an uncanny knack of bumping you up a class… Last year when we were staying in Kuala Lumpur, for $100 kiwi/night they bumped us up to a massive tower room with a clear view of the Petronas Towers that included a buffet breakfast to die for (which cost $40pp for non-guests.) I think it might have been cheaper to live there permanently… China was also amazing, though somewhere along the line they got the idea that western couples sleep in separate beds, so one must insist on a double – and then bear the snickering of teen-age staff who are no doubt horrified that middle-aged westerners might be having sex…

    I love travel! Norway in 13! I can’t wait…

    1. I think I prefer suicide windows to nailed shut windows…or is that what a suicide window is? I agree about the 4 or 5 star thing in some countries. Can’t wait to hear about your trip to Norway in 13. Is it safe to assume you are going to wait for warm weather or is there any such thing in Norway?

      1. I will be going sometime between end of May and middle of September… four weeks away from the miserable Auckland winter – to similar temperatures, but fabulous long days and northern lights filled nights! We will mostly be staying in the far north. I am hoping to get up there at least part of the way on one of the Hurtigren ships that make deliveries as well as host cruise guests all the way up the fjords to Tromso, but it is tres expensif, so we will see closer to the time. It’s the northern lights and just being north of the Arctic circle that I’m after!

      2. Wow that sounds like so much fun. I would love to see the northern lights. It’s on my bucket list for sure. 🙂

      3. Oh – a suicide window is one that is low to the floor, anything lower than hip height that has no exterior guard and that must be opened to get any air in the room. The slightest trip (as one would on an ancient rippling, threadbare carpet) could send you soaring through the window and plunging to a messy death.
        You can’t resist opening it or you will die of suffocation – but if you do, the likelihood that you will fall out is very high. In Paris we were only on the 3rd floor, but the room was so so tiny (at least 50% higher than it was wide, there was about 12 inches from the bed to the window, and I was too scared to get out of the bed there. Mr HoT slept on the other side, a mere foot drop and pivot to the loo and was not at all happy when I climbed over him to get there myself. There was much cursing and yowling and moaning. Of course being on the third floor meant there was a good chance of survival with just a few broken bones. By the time you sat up, one of the wonderfully aggressive Parisian drivers would have taken aim and be bearing down on you at maximum speed…

      4. So that’s what a suicide window is? That’s just scary. A friend of mine once had to be rushed to the emergency room in a foreign country because of one those windows. They had the window shut because it was cold. He and his girl friend were going at it like 2 wild rabbits and he somehow managed to jam his foot through the window during the festivities and cut it pretty badly. Imagine having to stop in the middle of a wild woohoo session to be carted off to a strange hospital. I bet that tale kept the staff amused on slow nights.

  5. I miss you lady 🙂 Hope you both are well.

    1. Kim, Kim, Kim I miss you too. Huge hugs, and lots of kisses. I don’t know why I have so much trouble getting over to Ericsson to visit y’all. I simply must get past this phobia. Was telling Gina last month that I still start shaking and get an instant stomach ache when I pull into that parking lot. It’s been 19 months since I retired and you’d think I’d be over it by now. But, those last six months of just watching the calendar drag by was a living nightmare. You-know-who turned into a really cranky boss and he took it out on me. But that’s over now. I’m gonna suck it up, face my fears, and come visit you! The Hubman is fine, by the way 🙂

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