My previous post about being Mad as Hell really knocked the wind out of me. I went into full blow post-traumatic stress mode. It’s been a long time since I went into such a severe a tailspin. It was really weird, like suspended animation or looking out a warped window. Nothing seemed beautiful or funny, the wind didn’t blow right. The sun coming through the trees shined at the wrong angle. The birds sang off-key. The cat barked and the dog meowed. Mr. Husband looked more like a menacing stranger than a friend and soul mate.
He tippy toed around and tried to comfort me. He tries to understand but can’t really, and I don’t blame him for that. He made me a sandwich and put me to bed when he found me outside sitting face down on the patio sniveling into the table top. He was born and raised in a well to do family with a father who had a long successful career. His mom stayed home, cooked all the meals, raised her sons, and spoiled my husband rotten, in my opinion. He laughs but takes offense at that. But come on, he brought his clothes home from college for his mom to wash. He denies this, but she claims it’s true. That’s spoiled in my book.
We’ve been together for 10 years, married for 5 of them. He didn’t know me in “the dark times.” By the time we met, I’d long since climbed out of the pits and was living a reasonable comfortable life. My kids were grown and gone. I had a decent paying job, traveled on vacations. I was doing all the “normal” stuff. I’ve told him bits and pieces of my past and we’ve had many a vehement argument about politics. He’s a right-wing, fiscally conservative, beef eating Republican and I’m a liberal, tree hugging, salmon eating Democrat.
I’ve lain awake many a night trying to figure out how such an odd couple gets along. What’s come of the pondering is that in the end we want the same things for our fellow humans. The difference is that we have completely opposite views on how to accomplish things. He’ll say “I think people should pull themselves up by their own boot straps.” I say “that’s difficult to do when you don’t have a pair of boots.”
He’s says well people should go to college if they want a better job. OK Hubby, Mommy and Daddy sent you to college. What about people who don’t have that opportunity? And round and round we go.
Sometimes I get the feeling that I’m back in time and the governess who married the lord of the castle. We sit around with the in-laws and drink tea in the parlor with our pinky fingers sticking up talking about how shifty and unreliable servants are, when the servants are standing right there serving us tea. It’s bizarre and I feel like I’m stuck in a strange dimension between worlds.
I’m not quite sure what to make of it all. I do know that I have to figure out some concrete way to give back, to help, to do something. Words are a start, but only a start.