Etiquette Questions for the Socially Challenged

Etiquette Questions for the Socially Challenged

  1. If some guests arrive way early is it OK to tell them to go away and come back later, at least until you get out of bed?
  2. If a wine label is peeling off the bottle because it’s been in the garage fridge since last year, do you; a) skip the glass and just drink out of the bottle, or b) leave town?
  3. If a guest calls the night before, when you’re elbow deep in potato skins, and asks you to reschedule your dinner for an hour earlier than planned because it doesn’t fit their schedule do you; a) tell them that you’ll have a plate of giblets and celery sticks set aside for them or b) tell them to F@&# off.
  4. If someone brings their dog and said dog pees on the sofa leg is it OK to smash a bottle of champagne on the spot and laugh it off with a “hot damn, I was waiting for this party to get started!”?
  5. If a snotty in-law looks at the center piece, that you made and are rather proud of, and sneers “that looks homemade” can you bitch slap them while still seated at the table, or should you wait until later when there no witnesses?
  6. If a guest tells you they are allergic to everything you made, but didn’t bother to inform you beforehand do you; a) make them a peanut butter and raw potato sandwich or b) lock them in the coat closet?
  7. If a guest launches into a political tirade is it OK to lurch to your feet so fast you almost knock over the coffee table and shout “no political crap in MY house today!” and then stomp outside and around the side of the house to smoke a cigarette whilst muttering profanities? (I confess I actually did that)
  8. If a guest brings their usual nauseating slimey green bean glop casserole do you;  a) put it alongside the other food dishes and hope no one thought you made it or, b) suppress your gag reflexes, throw it out the kitchen window and yell “Yee haw, touch down! Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about!”?

Just thought I’d ask, because these are pressing questions and I want to make sure I get right next time. 🙂

9 responses

  1. 1. When this happens, it’s best to just be direct. “You’re *awfully* early! I was in bed. You can either come into my room and watch me sleep OR you can come back on time. You’re choice!”

    2. Whether with glasses or out of the bottle, drink that stuff!

    3. B

    4. Yes, it’s perfectly okay. It’s also okay to tell everybody to be wary of “Joe’s” or “Jane’s” dog because he/she isn’t housebroken. It might cause Joe or Jane to keep a better eye on the little piddler.

    5. Yes, it’s perfectly okay and wait until there are no witnesses. A better maneuver might be to break down and cry and to remind them ever year about how much they hurt your feelings back in 2012.

    6. Simply tell them, “Yes, I know. That’s why I chose this particular menu.”

    7. Sounds reasonable to me. Or you *could* put them in time-out. (To be perfectly fair, one would need to announce to one’s guests that the time-out corner has been reserved for those who go on political rants.)

    8. Serve it, but make sure everyone knows who made it. This can be done by saying, “Don’t forget to taste Jane’s wonderful slimey green casserole! Wasn’t she a sweetheart to bring it?!”

    You’re welcome! ~Vicki

    1. Love your answers!! I think I will tape them on the fridge in preparation for the next soiree 🙂

  2. I see your point … just take into account: wine and champagne are to drink, never waste them on other surfaces other than your mouth

    1. Or the hollow of your throat or your belly button. Pardon me I drifted out in the weeds there for sec 🙂

  3. Never waste good wine. You shouldn’t waste bad wine, either; I cook with mine.

  4. In regards to #4, I’d say it’s never ok to smash an innocent bottle of champagne unless you have a vessel at the ready to catch what spills. It wounds me deeply to think of bubbly going undrunk, even if it’s to make a point! 😉

    1. Ah ha! A specific answer, what was I thinking wasting champagne like that? Thanks you Miss Pink 🙂

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