I started today still knee-deep in medicine, kleenex, self-pity and being mad at the Universe In General. To snap myself out of this orgy of ennui I decided to search the interweb for things to laugh about. At some point I stumbled across the daily.mail.uk celebrity gossip, slander and horrible pictures website.
I got to thinking. What if a people lurked around trying to take my picture every moment of every day? What a nightmare. Pics with no makeup, makeup gone wrong, wardrobe malfunctions, immediately after a spousal fight of biblical proportions, blowing one’s nose, pants on backwards, etc.
My God in Heaven, if that happened to me I would end up in the ER or jail with my middle finger firmly implanted in some photographer’s sinus cavity. To the 99.9% of us out there who live private lives, get down on your knees and thank your lucky stars. Yee haa!
And that poor Princess What’s-her-name being pregnant now? Imagine the horror of having the entire world analyzing and speculating on the contents of your womb. I don’t have to go through this. Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Jesus! I now understand why Angelina Jolie decided to give birth to her twins on the moon.
It took an entire afternoon of looking at wacky pictures of celebs to finally work up the nerve to post my own picture. I crack up laughing thinking of catty captions similar to the gossip magazine style captions. “Fashion mishap – Grandmother explodes out of evening gown after one too many appetizers.” Or “Did you see that hunk of blubber behind her left elbow? She needs to hit the gym and soon!” or “Don’t let this happen to you.”
After all is said and done I ask, so what? A picture is just a picture. We can laugh them off. The real challenge for me is putting things in writing when not feeling well. That’s that real strip tease. I wonder if someone has invented mental sunglasses. It would be great if you could slip a pair of them on your brain to hide your thoughts when they aren’t quite fit for public exposure.
If you need a good laugh today here’s a link to a page called 19 People Who Are Having a Worse Day Than You Are. My favorite is #12 The Cinnamon Challenge. I have a similar reaction when eating beets, the worlds more despicable vegetable.