Bipolar Denial – When Someone You love Can’t or Won’t Get Treatment

Compassion is the willingness to suffer with someone. It is not to suffer for them when they refuse to help themselves.

People who suffer from Bipolar disorder don’t suffer alone. Far from it, the people in their lives suffer too. It’s a heart breaking, gut wrenching experience to watch someone you love crawl through the black hole depths of depression or spiral into an out of control train wreck manic episode.

You may think “my God in heaven, if it was me going through this, I would be driving to the doctor going 180 miles an hour, up in the sidewalk if I have to,  to scream “Help me! Help me NOW, now, now – please.” But that is the reaction of a sane rational person. A person in the grips of untreated mental illness is not always, or sometimes rarely sane or rational.

Speaking as a person on the inside, I know that these episodes feel real – realer than real. “There’s nothing wrong with ME – you are the jerk, and you just don’t understand me. If you would just go away and leave me alone, everything will be fine.” It doesn’t matter if I’m up on the roof or hiding under the bed. It feels “normal” to be doing this. “If you felt like I feel you would be doing the same thing!”

It sounds and feels like talking to an alcoholic when they are drunk. There is no reasoning with someone when they are drunk or in the throes of mania. It’s a waste of time.

However, you as the loved one and or caregiver have a right to some semblance of sanity and a normal life. You do not have to accept unacceptable behavior and physical, emotional or verbal abuse. The person with bipolar or any other mental disorder still has to accept responsibility for their actions or refusal to act. If you get drunk and wrap your car around a telephone pole you are still responsible (read – accountable) for your actions. Being mentally ill is not an excuse to throw up your hands and say “hey, this is just me, this is who I am. Take it or leave it.”

Guess what? As the lover or caretaker you do not have to settle for “take it or leave it.” That is dichotomous – black or white thinking. Technically yes, a person with a disease has the right to refuse treatment. However, what they do not have is the right to insist that people continue to care for them and shoulder the brunt of the consequences of their refusal to take care of themselves and manage their illness.

It’s a loving and compassionate act to help someone when they are ill and bear with them as they are struggling and trying to find a way to treat and cope with an illness, in a responsible manner. It’s an ENABLING act to protect someone from the consequences of their actions and accept unacceptable behavior and refusal to seek treatment. It’s an unfortunate fact that sometimes you have to be responsible one, the grownup one, get tough and say “I’m not willing to continue living like this. I will not accept abuse, yelling, blaming, neglecting responsibility and throwing everything in my lap, while you feel free to spiral unchecked into insanity. I absolutely insist that you get help, immediately, if not sooner.”

It sucks to be in this situation. I know because I’ve been on both sides of the fence. I’ve had to play it hard as nails and tell someone I love “No, I’m not bailing you out of your pickle this time; you’re on your own. It’s time to accept the fact that you have a problem and deal with it. That’s not my job.” And then I’ve been on the crazy side. I know I’m hurting people around me with my own illness and I hate it when someone suggests that I need help. But when enough people tell me the same thing I start to wonder, “Hmm, maybe I really do need help.” But it’s really hard, because when I am in the throes of a manic episode it feels like I am the normal one and everyone else is crazy.

Think for a minute about what they tell you on an airplane. If the oxygen masks drops out of the ceiling you are supposed to put your mask on first before you try to help someone else. It’s the exact same thing when trying to care for someone with a mental disorder. Put your mask on first. Take care of yourself first and your children, if children are involved.

Also beware of falling into the trap of becoming desensitized by a ongoing out of control life. You may start thinking “hey, he’s not chasing me around with a kitchen knife, today is a good day.” If you find yourself feeling fear and loathing towards your loved one to the point that you want to flee the house -this is a strong indication that your loved one is so out of control that they are a danger to themselves or others. Take them to a hospital, if they resist, well that’s too bad. They NEED to go there. If they were laying in the floor bleeding you would take them to the ER, whether of not they wanted to go. This is of the same magnitude. Call their doctor, get a doctor if they don’t have one. But most of all take care of yourself first.  Draw a line and put your foot down. This is absolutely critical – it could be a matter of life or death.

36 responses

  1. This is the first time I’ve read anything on how to handle people with bipolar symptoms that won’t get help. Thank you for this information. My daughter is almost 50 years old. I’ve watched this behavior and her self-destruction for years. She won’t get help. Everyone else is the problem. More than once, when she was lashing out at me, I have said.. you need to get help. She would yell.. you need help, and lashes out every negative thing she can think of in my life and no matter what it was, it was my fault. However, nothing is ever her fault. She does work hard but her business is hanging on by a thread. When things get too much for her, she goes to bed and pulls the cover up over her head and sleeps. Her apartment is usually a wreck. She self medicates daily by drinking. She also takes prescription medication every night to relax. She had cancer years ago and went thru so much and was very brave but it magnified her behavior problems. I have helped her a lot but when she’s on a tear, it’s never enough. She is divorced and has two sons who are now teenagers. She loves her boys and would never do anything intentionally to hurt them, but cannot see that she is hurting them, and their memories of their home life are not going to be happy ones. Their father has let them down so many times since the divorce, which gives her more reason to put all blame on him. I love her and hurt for her but I can’t help her. Those boys have to live with her and I don’t. She has not been diagnosed with anything and can’t receive help until she is. My question is.. what can I say or do to help my grandsons, if anything.

    1. I am so sorry I haven’t replied sooner. I had an extreme bout of bipolar depression that lasted for over a year and almost gave up on life. But I’m back. Your story sounds exactly like what I’ve gone through with my daughter. Including her children. The only advise I can give you is to step back and let her live her life. It may be a horrible brutal life, but you can’t control her.

      My daughter has become so agressive and verbally abusive that I had to go no contact with her. Her number is blocked on my cell phone. She knows how to call my home number but has not done so in 2 years now.

      Again I opologize for the HUGE delay in responding 😳

  2. Any way I can contact you for some advice?

  3. My ex girlfriend was bipolar. I hit the end of my rope when she, in a minor disagreement over whether or not we would go camping before the summer ended (she was stuck working weekends with only one day off a week all summer, and summer was coming to a close and she finally got weekends – plus she promised) – ended up stomping off to the skid row getting high on crystal meth and getting thrown in jail.

    I was urging her to take her meds for months because she was screaming at me for bizarre reasons, and after the “methscapade” (as I call it) because she landed in jail wearing someone else’s tank top on over top of her shirt I wanted her to get an STD test because she was blacked out. Making matters worse she was blacking out every time she drank.

    It was like I had a 21 year old toddler to look after. Sometimes up to 6 nights a week I was carrying her to bed Army medic style, straightening her back and taking off her clothes so she could make it to work in the morning. It became an almost daily ritual for me in the morning to ask her how much of the previous night she had remembered.

    I had a very serious conversation with her about her drinking and was urging her to get some blood tests (hematocrit and liver function) because the blackouts were happening so fast. No normal 21 year old blacks out on 2-4 drinks. I also explained to her that she needed to not only listen to me when I strongly suggested she go to bed (I took video of her faceplanting into the table to show her) but also that she was basically a rape victim in waiting if she was going to go out in public in that state. There were times we had sex and she didn’t even remember. I told her, “I’m your boyfriend. I’m not going to give you a disease or get you pregnant. Some creep who sees you dead drunk half passed out at a transit station is probably not going to give you the same consideration.” She never listened.

    Sad part is she was really a wonderful, smart, bright girl. She was actually fun to drink with, except when the blackouts started coming so fast. She went off her meds and then there was the crazy anger. I’ve never been yelled at for half an hour because I said “I love you” too many times by any other girl in my life.

    She broke up with me, HATED me, left me notes saying she hoped I’d die. I was always kind to her. I got her a job, a career, loaned her money when she was in dire need, cooked her food, and always wanted to spend time with her. Until she was off meds we never argued.

    I had to make an executive decision when she left in a rage. I just got back together with my ex fiancee. Of course this made her madder, despite that she closed the door on any hope of reconcilliation. Over the proceeding next few months I had 20 police visits to my house, all of which were over something bizarre and false. She thought I was tracking her location through her phone. She thought I was cheating and had been doing so for months. I sent her a text messages trying to get her to pick up her stuff. I was seen outside her work building (I used to work there and it’s a 34 storey office tower and I know a lot of people there) and I was “loitering and stalking her” and “harassing her” because I waved at her from 160 feet away.

    I dont deny that BP people can be beautiful, amazing people. My ex truly was and could be. But if they arent taking their illness seriously, it’s time to walk away and let them sow their own seeds of destruction, blow up their own lives, hit a bottom so hard that when they come out of it they realize that they need to take it seriously and comply with their treatment.

    My ex now? Apparently picked up a cocaine habit and blew her whole paycheque and couldn’t pay rent. I haven’t heard much about her since. And in a sad ironic twist, with all her accusations of me cheating – she gave me HPV. It’s not fatal or anything, I’m a guy so i can’t get cervical cancer. So it seems that the shoe was on the other foot. BP is known to make people hypersexual. Guess I was smart to demand that STD test after that “methscapade” and I refused to touch her until she did. She resisted it.

    Let them walk away. Or push them out. I hate to sound cruel, but it’s no life constantly trying to keep a partner or loved one from destroying themselves.

  4. We have someone in family with manic episodes so disturbing that we begin to think is this possible? One moment manic next moment not? she’s 52 now, lives with her Mom doesn’t work, lost custody of her daughter to her boyfriend around 30 years ago for this problem but now she’s driving us all crazy and dragging us into her episodes. We find it hard to accept her like this, cannot reason with her, she won’t get help, she feels she’s perfectly sane etc. We’ve called the police and when they ask her questions she unsers them perfectly so she doesn’t appear manic. This article has helped me to give her an ultimatum for her actions and I’m passing it on to the rest of the members in our family involved with her. Thank you

  5. Here’s the thing, although my husband had had these bi polar manic episodes off & on for 29 years usually 5-7-10 years apart he always blocks me and disappears then filed all these court appearances. Child custody, child support, my husband wouldn’t miss work for court for anything then here’s this angry irrational guy spending all this time on unnesecary Court dates, did I mention he had me and family blocked and no one knows where he is. No one…. I just figured out that he had this decease, (I always in past just thought he’d decided he didn’t like me and wanted a new life ) then months later he unblocked me calls me loves me more than life ( that’s normal ). And then he goes to work fixing all his damage unpaid mortgage, car payments, it’s only because it happened 1 yr ago, that I finally said ( wait a minute he hated me and blocked me last year for 3 mo exactly like this, what?). Now I see, he will never admit he had a problem ( I just discovered he has a problem) I donor know where he s living, I’m just hoping he returns to his sweet self and then he LL do anything we ask ( like see a psychiatrist ) but I can not get him to a hospital, nor can I talk to him (at all) blocked …. So now I’m doubting the fact that he’ll actually. Be back like EVER… Scares me cuz for most of 20 years he is the best husband and father sweet kind generous. Except when he had these “episodes” in which case we never saw or heard from him ( which is so weird and heartbreaking, ) for the whole time ( months) he was gone, then he was just like “wow I’m sorry what was that you know I love you sorry!). So he will return from this episode. Right? It’s been the longest one ever, 6 mo now, and because this time I know WHAT it is, it’s like watching a pot boil, “a watched pot will never boil “!!! Carolee Riedel. Aug 7th 2016

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  7. I have been married to my wife for 15 years. She is 45 years old now. She was diagnosed bipolar the first 2 years I met her. I have always put up with her heavy drinking and thought that in time she would change. She hasn’t. When my sons were born she was very loving of them and she appeared very happy in our relationship. These last 3 years have been pure hell. She lost her job and hasn’t tried to seek out employment. She is in a depressed state and does nothing all day long. Since losing her job, she is a house wife, but she does no daily housekeeping at all. Our house is always a mess and me and my sons are constantly cleaning up washing dishes and laundry. She will not do any of that. She is a great cook, but leaves all her mess behind and wont even load dishwasher or wipe done counter tops. I have become tired of working full time only to come home and see house a wreck. She is a very poor example of a responsible parent. Her behavior toward me has also become very hateful resentful and hurtful. She says that she hates me and that I am a poor excuse for a man. My family, her family and my kids recognize she is not well. However she will not get help or the necessary meds. Her family has ignored my attempts to reach out to them for help. She doesn’t want to work 8 p.m to 5 p.m. because she says jobs like that are for losers. Yet she grasps at straws and works with people doing free lance work. He pay is never timely so is basically broke the entire month unless she can access my bank account for drinking money. She has also been hanging around shady individuals and drinking late in to the nights with these people. She has also squandered money from my bank account and has nearly caused the electric utilities to be shut off and the house to be foreclosed for not paying bills. She wants no responsibility what so ever with bills, chores laundry or even the boys now. She says our house is a prison and that I am a control freak. She says she is miserable with me. She prefers a good old fun time with no worries. After a recent three day drinking binge with one of her female friends I became upset with her when she refused to come home at 3:00 am. When she arrived she was inebriated and began cursing and yelling in a tirade threatening to hit me with a shoe. My 12 year old son called the cops on her and she fled. She has been staying with her new girl friend now for over two weeks. Two weeks elapsed before she would speak to me in a sane manner. I believe she is having a manic episode and probably sees no problem neglecting her sons. I cannot accept her neglecting her kids, house bills etc any longer. Its sad, I don’t trust her and my sons they don’t trust her very much anymore and feel more safe and secure with me, their father. I cannot sacrifice any more time trying to convince her that our household , family and sons should be first before any foolish business ventures or partying etc. I am done with keeping this away from people and living a façade. Me and my kids deserve better. I can only pray that she will remain safe and out of harms way.

  8. My dad has been diagnosed with depression (for most of his life, is on numerous meds); although after doing more research, I think he is bipolar. Tonight, I found your article, after fearing for my life and the lives of my mother and my children. My dad is ruining his relationship with me and my husband and my mom; he can’t see it (just like you said in your article) and does NOT want the label of being bipolar because it “ruins people.” I am calling his doctor tomorrow. I’m praying she is helpful and that my dad gets the help he needs. Your article put things in perspective for me. It was what I needed to muster the courage to call. I NEVER want to fear for my life, or the lives of my children ever again. Thank you.

  9. What can I do about my son who is bi-polar and keeps running away? He refuses to take meds. He’s an adult. The hospital just sents him him home saying there’s nothing they can do.

  10. What if the person is your mother? My whole family has told her that she had a problem. Including myself. She says she doesn’t have a problem and is in serious denial. I can’t take it anymore. She also spends a lot of time with my 8 year old daughter that also can tell something isn’t right. I don’t know that to do. It is very depressing

  11. Been with my partner for 6 years and at times i feel “I created a monster.” as it started with what i felt was depression so i allowed her the time to be down and out. I did everything…while she stayed in bed and enjoyed life without having to do a thing. Mood swings were and still are nothing but blame to me…I do nothing for her, if i loved her i would, am cruel and heartless and such mean and hurtful name calling. She can even make me feel that it is my fault. when really i know that i have done nothing! I have worked the whole time (6 years now) given her money hand over fist. paid all bills, cooked, cleaned, and took care of others living in my home. she moved out a year ago as i decided that i was done and spent less time caring for her demands. well now this to is my fault. she some how still is NOT working – living off college grants. loves me and hates me, good to me for a few days and then BANG mood swings come and am the awful person again and i should be doing this and that for her. On and on. So I leave her home and then I ignore her and its I love you again…I am wondering do i say – I can not live like this any longer and if you really do love us you will seek help – or do i just ignore and move on without even saying a word? am lost. i love her but hate how she makes me feel – she scares me and that is the reason I stay away for days. She calls it “not caring.” Sad is what i am.

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      1. Trinity,
        I see this post is a few years old but i am so confused on how to help my bf. To give background we dated 10 years ago , and a natural disaster seperated us. I moved back to my home town 3 years ago, and besides a happy birthday on FB we rarely if ever spoke to one another. Fastforward to May of last year I was on a mini vaca with a gf , and got a FB call he saw my post and realized we were in the same city for the weekend. Coincidentally we were in the same parking lot. We have been back in one anothers company ver since. I noticed about 3 months into our relationship he got mad at me and I couldn’t figure out why i asked and racked my brain. Im a mom and a fixer and i hate confusion so its in my nature to problem solve and move on. He shut me out amd eventually found out he was upset because i went for drinks with a gf while he was working like how dare i have any fun without him. Fast forward the outburst are more frequent. Jekyl and Hyde might be one in the morning and another in the afternoon. My dad dies in March of this year and im broken idk how to cope . As im normally the sound mind and rational one for once i need a shoulder some empathey. He was wonderful when it first happened but on the day of the funeral he bailed on me rfused to appear at the repast after just being a pallbearer. He gambles and has us 3000 in debt on or rent and he has not paid his car note since last year . im going through a new wave of grief it is like it happened all over again and i have’nt been i the best of moods he told me to get over it it is my problem and he’s tired of hearing about it. That crushed me . He told me to find a new man and threw in that he will no longer be sleeping with me like that had anything to do with the topic at hand. Im sure he will pick me up from work like nothing happened even though he put me out his car and threw my cell phone on the ground. Im constantly called a weak bitch a whore , and blamed for all his problems. He leaves me and the kids stranded not able to get to work or school . I know he is sick because he is wonderful when he is well . But when is enough enough . He is a veteran and started treatment but refuses the meds worried about impotency, and stopped going to counseling . How do I get him to go back to treatment?

  13. How about this; just leave a person who is mentally ill and won’t get help. Not your problem. We are all, after all, in the self-actualization business, right?

    1. Well what if the someone you love is the parent of your children? Or some other similar situation. Leaving is an option true. But life is complicated.

  14. This is the most helpful advice/insight I have seen that has helped immeasurably through dealing with my darling husband of 15 years current highly disruptive manic episode. He only gets the highs but the advice on care versus enablement has been a mantra to me. Thank you.

    1. Thanks for the article and the comments. I am dealing with the effects my wife of 18 yrs suffering with bipolar disorder. I have 4 small kids so can’t walk away. Not sure when this will end and how.

  15. It’s a rough situation, to deal with when someone is bipolar. My boyfriend of 4 yrs is bipolar and wont get help.He thinks he’s perfectly normal.He is a wonderful person but when those episodes kick in , I don’t like that person. Throughout the course of the relationship he accuses me of cheating. He puts recorders in my car, drives by job to see if my car is there, he downloaded software in my computer, and phone.. If I don’t in gage in sex with him I am cheating. He won’t accept responsibility for his actions. He can’t hold a job because someone is always out to get him.He can never get along with anybody on job.When he gets upset he breaks things and wants to take everything back.. he bought me.i ve even tried counseling. . HE Says he doesn’t have a problem, it’s me bc I keep sleeping around.. Just recently he broke up with me bc he said he found some sun glasses in my room , he said they belong to a truck driver….The funny thing is he bought the glasses a long time ago and doesn’t remember..He says throughout the course of relationship I’m cheating. ..i have put up with this illness for quite sometime. I’m finally at my wits end…i don’t have time or energy to let this consume me and wait for the wonderful person to come back…This illness has taken a toll , he doesn’t even have any friends…it should be required by law for people with mental issues to get help… I’m emotionally and physically drained…He has done so much I could write a book.

    1. One thing that you might try is to rewrite this comment for yourself and eliminate the word “bipolar” from the sentence. He is being extremely abusive and being bipolar is not an excuse. If this man was not bipolar and did all these things, would you accept the behavior? I hope not.

      If he refuses to get help that is his problem It does give him a free ticket to be an abusive possessive monster. It is not your responsibility to fix him or accept unacceptable behavior.

      Good luck to you. You are in a tricky situation to put it mildly.

    2. Wow your life sounds like mine. My bf of 8 yrs has just left me for the last time I think. It is different as he has not contacted me for 3weeks now but in txts still insists he loves me. Im very confused by this. Have you had any success since your post?

      1. Sorry to say not really. My daughter is an untreated bipolar. She tortures me with her long rambling texts. Some days she loves me. Other days she HATES me.

    3. Dee, your boyfriend sounds like my husband- the accusations of cheating, searching thru phone and computer, violating privacy and trust, taking things away when he’s angry… the list can go on and on). I feel so ashamed that I decided to marry him 6 months ago even after experiencing these same symptoms when we were dating. Shortly after the birth of our first son four years ago he left (without notice) and moved 1000 miles away. This was after he assaulted me when our son was 5 weeks old because he convinced himself that I was cheating – yet he was the one in and out of the relationship and seeing other women. I refused to allow him to move in with me until he agreed to keep a peaceful environment, but he saw this as me abandoning and rejecting him. So again, he was out of the relationship. The periods of estrangement got longer and longer until I found that he has moved away. He continued to haunt me via email and phone, but him being away from us was the most peace I had. I can only see that now. I decided to stop trying to get him to man up and care for me and his child and decided to move on with my life. Two and a half years later I successfully filed for child support (each time I tried before he would plead with me and say he wanted to work things out. Inevitably he would change his mind when a boundary I set made him upset.) He came back to our state because of a child support court hearing and saw what he was missing in our lives. He professed that he never stopped loving me and my son was so happy to know he had a “daddy”. He insisted that we become a family, he moved back permanently after a couple of visits and wanted to get married right away. I insisted on counseling but he refused and said that if I married him that’s all it would take for him to be happy. I believed him, sad to say. And of course we haven’t had more than a few days of sustained happiness together since. He has made it impossible for harmony to be maintained in the home. And he blames me for fleeing when he makes the environment unbearable. He has demanded that I leave and has forced me out of the house countless times, usually in the middle of the night when he wants sex and I have fallen asleep or he has been so mean that I do not want to be close to him. The rage started to affect my son, who would be awakened and terrified by his monstrous acts. If not for my son I would probably still be picking myself up and dusting myself off after these episodes. They have been destructive to my self esteem and confidence. I am now 5 months pregnant and have not been home for over a month. He has gone from wanting to move on and see other people, to demanding that I take my things out of the house, to physically packing my things and dumping my belongings on the lawn of my relative’s house, to saying he wants me and my son to come back, to saying that he will seek therapy and treatment, to repeating the same cycle of ideas all over again. I never know what I will get from one day to the next. It is really hard to keep up with the saga and it is not until I write it out that I see how ridiculous it is. I can now understand what my family must feel when I share what happens on a daily basis. I have told him that I would be willing to put the family back together when he is getting regular help and proves that he is sticking with it. Depending on his mood he accepts his need for treatment or he will say that he’s fine and I am the only reason he has problems. One day he will say that a therapist told him that he needs to surround himself with good people, so getting away from me will solve his problems. Then the next day he will say that he is is miserable without me home and wants us back. It is SO HARD to know what to believe and I have told him this countless times. I have been yo-yoing based on his moods and demands. I have spent thousands of dollars in therapy with him (because he said he would go if I paid for it), but he didnt use the valuable tools we were given. On top of that Ive spent thousands on seeking legal counsel, uprooting and moving out and taking care of my son alone. At this point the only relief I can see is to file for divorce (which was never something I considered before), but I know that wont force him to get the help he needs. I could pay more thousands of dollars to request a psychological evaluation to determine if he is fit to have visitation with our son. But I really am being sucked dry. If only there was a way to force him to get help. I have to keep telling myself that even if he decided to get help theres no guarantee that things would improve. Remembering that allows me to ease my grip a little more to let it go completely. The hope for a happy and healthy home isnt promised to me with him. The only thing I am certain of is that I can create that on my own for my children.

      I do hope that things have improved for you and all those who commented here. It would be nice to hear of a happy ending to these stories… if such a thing exists.

      God bless.

  16. My sister has dragged all of us through this burning battle field for years and years. She won’t accept real help, she’ll only lounge back and fall into a catatonic state of learned helplessness and because no one has the heart to leave her to rot in her own mess, someone will always be there to pick up her pieces and put everything back together– while she does nothing but whines and whimpers how her life is horrid and everyone around her is a horrid monster. Then she suddenly springs to life, buys 20 pet rats only to grow tired of them in three days and leave them for other people to take care of, while she goes out on her way and leases the house on impulse because she wants to move to Canada or enrolls in a $500 cooking course she never attends.

    She’s like a grownup 2-year-old who thinks the shoe can be both on her foot and off her foot simultaneously and loses her marbles when it’s just not possible.

    I’ve come to the end of my tether and I’m putting half the continent between myself and her. I have done everything I can to help her family so her children would suffer a little less but it’s broken me down spiritually. I grow tired and suicidal. I can only save myself now.

    1. My heart goes out to you. You can’t save your sister, that’s her job. I’m happy that you have reached the bottom and know you have to take care of yourself. Big hug! Get out there and live your own life. 🙂

    2. Getting a break from relatives sometimes can be a good thing. I once put an entire half a planet between myself and nutty family members. I moved all the the way to Guam and stayed there for 8 years.

  17. Great post. Hi, when I told my counsellor I try and make sure my BP hubby eats well, gets a walk in and sunshine and out to the movies she told me I was enabling him. I’ve also been told by his psyche my lack of support caused his mania. I give up. Maybe it’s got nothing to do with me. He is in denial as to the impact of this condition on him, me , us and everyone else. So are his children, mother and siblings and he won’t let me tell my family so I’m stuck with it. He’s in hospital now. I think I could get used to being single and it’d be hard to leave him but I can’t understand why he does nothing to help himself. Like apart from meds. And ect. He’s not violent but we now have no friends as they have all gotten bored with his bragging stories and repetitive ways. If he doesn’t follow up after ect with some changing of ways and challenging his beliefs and so on I will leave. I feel totally resentful that I married someone who was quite nice and now has worn me down. When I had depression I worked my butt off with a psyche for five years because I thought it was unfair on him and our marriage. But he can’t stick with anyone unless they are all sympathy and no action. He just wants to be ‘normal’ but not do anything to get to whatever he thinks normal is. I’ve sat in on consults with him and he lies to the mental health people and I’m torn as to whether or not to call his bluff.

    I haven’t quite given him an ultimatum but I’ve challenged his lies this time so hoping he can stop denying the impact of this on everything. I’m slowly losing the person and all I see is bipolar and I’ve had enough. I see no future.

    It looks like you have found a way to have a life.

    1. I feel the way you I’ve been living like hell!!can’t go see my mom can’t do nothing anymore!!!!I’m in the process of leaving him just taking things slow!!I’m at my wits end I told him several times to get help and promises me he will but never does I’m taking my life back!!

  18. This is how I know you’re going to come out of this okay. You understand the big picture involved. ((Hugs))

    1. Sometimes I almost, but not quite, wish I didn’t see the big picture. But sticking my head in the sand isn’t going to help much either 🙂

  19. What a wonderfully honest post! I know you have been on both sides and can see it from both sides. I hope people can see that and seek help for their loved ones and convince them to accept it. It isn’t easy but it is necessary.

    1. Thank you Maire. This is my hope also that people will seek help. Trying to live in a house with an untreated mental disorder is waaaay beyond the 7th level of hell.

  20. Wonderful post. I had a family member with it and she was enabled. It was soo bad for everyone including herself.

    1. Oh, I’m terribly sorry to hear that. It’s so sad when the whole family get’s sucked down into the vortex of untreated mental illness hell. The whole family suffers for years or decades and even generations, which is the case in my family.

      1. Hi my brother has bypolar and I need help or ideas how to convince him to get help
        He had been hospitalized 3 times already in the last 2 months and still don’t believe he need help
        Any ideas how to convince ?
        Thank you

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