The Never Ending Story

ripping your hair outIf you have a troubled child my heart goes out to you. I slap you a big ole high five for any day that you make it through without ripping out all your hair and making it into a noose to hang yourself with.

My daughter (40 years old) has lost her freaking mind….again. Supposedly, her neighbor across the street conspired to have her thrown in jail because he wanted her apartment. Now the FBI or some other agency is tapping her phone. She knows this because she hears coughing and laughing when she is on the phone. Logically the sounds are probably coming from the person who is being subjected to her latest bizarre tale of woe.

Next on the list is that she was supposedly pregnant and in jail they abused her so much that the baby left her womb and took up residence in one of her tubes. Uh yea, like that really happens, oookkk??? The fetus may get stuck in a Fallopian tube and not make it to the womb, and that is a life threatening situation, but they don’t turn around and go back up the tube just because you’re having a bad day.

Continuing on with the insanity, she calls me when I’m on my way home from Seattle while I’m in the line to go through the security check and informs me that she is having a miscarriage and therefore I have to buy her a new phone…not just any old phone, but an untraceable phone. Say what?? I told her I couldn’t really talk at the moment because I was in the middle of taking my shoes off, etc. So instead she hangs up and sends me 15 text messages in the space of 5 minutes. What the hell does having a new phone have to do with having a miscarriage, assuming that was what was actually happening? I swear to God that I’m not making this shit up.

It occurred to me as I was driving home from an errand today that it has literally been decades since I have believed ANYTHING she tells me. If she said the sky was blue I would walk to the window and look outside to verify that the sky was actually blue.

I know she is scared and obviously suffering, but whatever mess she is actually in, I know she brought it down on her own head. She seems determined to screw herself over in every way humanly possible. Because she is highly intelligent she finds really creative ways to do herself in on a regular basis. I don’t know what to do, so instead I just try to cram it away in a corner of my brain somewhere and not think about it.

But that doesn’t work. This morning I was drinking coffee and suddenly realized that I was grinding my teeth and was having trouble breathing. I was in the middle of a major panic attack. I had to take a magic happy calming pill that my psych doc gives me for emergencies. I’m only supposed to take them every once in a while, but when my daughter is yanking my chain I start popping them like tic tacs. I talked to my shrink about this and she said that it’s ok as long as I don’t start doing that all the time. And I don’t. Left to my own devices I don’t need them and don’t even think about them.

Another one of her favorite stunts is to call me up and tell me this long involved tale of madness and intrigue and then call another family member and tell them a completely different story. If I’ve called them before she gets to them they bust her on it. So now she gets to be mad at me for “outing” her and violating her privacy. I finally told her that I’m not going to keep secrets within the family because secrets make families sick. If she doesn’t want anyone to know then don’t tell me in the first place. I’m not going to cover for her anymore.

Ah, another day in my own personal funny farm. Her “bugged” phone supposedly ran out at midnight two days ago. I assume she is going to punish me for not buying her a phone by not telling me what her new number is. If I’m lucky I may hear from her in a month or two. If I’m really, really lucky I may not hear from her for six months or even a year. An uneasy reprieve, such is life.

4 responses

  1. I wish I could offer some words of wisdom. My hope is that one of these days she gets tired of living in her psychodrama, and gets some help that sticks. It sounds like she might not have found the proper mix of meds to stabilize her condition.

    1. I hopes she finds the proper mix too. She was doing ok for a while Lamictal, but then she started slacking off and not getting her refills promptly. Another thing that is causing her problems is she has done so many things to get in trouble for that they keep coming back to haunt her. When she does something stupid and gets thrown in jail she is not given the meds she needs and that sends her into another spiral down the toilet bowl.

  2. You poor dear. She is obviously troubled. Could she be schizophrenic if she is hearing things and thinks things are bugged? That’s one of the symptoms. Is she seeing a psychiatrist? I know you can’t make her see one but it seems like one is in order. I’m so sorry you are going through this. It must break your heart to see her like this. I will keep you in my prayers.

    1. Thank you for your prayers, Maire. She does have a doctor and had been diagnosed as bipolar, but I have to wonder. She takes meds, but goes off them frequently, either deliberately or by running out and not getting around to refilling them. I found out after she was born that schizophrenia runs in her father’s family. So she may have gotten a double whammy and have both disorders.

      Since I’m also bipolar I know how my brain works when I’m symptomatic so I think there is more going on with her than just bipolar. Some of the stories she comes up with make the mad hatter seem sane.

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