Etiquette Questions for the Socially Challenged
- If some guests arrive way early is it OK to tell them to go away and come back later, at least until you get out of bed?
- If a wine label is peeling off the bottle because it’s been in the garage fridge since last year, do you; a) skip the glass and just drink out of the bottle, or b) leave town?
- If a guest calls the night before, when you’re elbow deep in potato skins, and asks you to reschedule your dinner for an hour earlier than planned because it doesn’t fit their schedule do you; a) tell them that you’ll have a plate of giblets and celery sticks set aside for them or b) tell them to F@&# off.
- If someone brings their dog and said dog pees on the sofa leg is it OK to smash a bottle of champagne on the spot and laugh it off with a “hot damn, I was waiting for this party to get started!”?
- If a snotty in-law looks at the center piece, that you made and are rather proud of, and sneers “that looks homemade” can you bitch slap them while still seated at the table, or should you wait until later when there no witnesses?
- If a guest tells you they are allergic to everything you made, but didn’t bother to inform you beforehand do you; a) make them a peanut butter and raw potato sandwich or b) lock them in the coat closet?
- If a guest launches into a political tirade is it OK to lurch to your feet so fast you almost knock over the coffee table and shout “no political crap in MY house today!” and then stomp outside and around the side of the house to smoke a cigarette whilst muttering profanities? (I confess I actually did that)
- If a guest brings their usual nauseating slimey green bean glop casserole do you; a) put it alongside the other food dishes and hope no one thought you made it or, b) suppress your gag reflexes, throw it out the kitchen window and yell “Yee haw, touch down! Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about!”?
Just thought I’d ask, because these are pressing questions and I want to make sure I get right next time. 🙂