Sometimes I get in a snit when I hear people saying “wow he/she is really lucky…all I get is bad luck, waa, waa, waaaaaa” Well just cry me a river why don’t ya? In my opinion luck has nothing to do with it. I prefer to think of it as serendipity – the ability to be in the right place at the right time, in the right frame of mind.
I get rather offended when someone is bemoaning their lot in life and telling me how lucky I am. I beg your pardon. I didn’t just “get lucky” and stumble into my life. I earned it! My life is a result of the choices I make on a daily basis. I got a job at 16 and kept it and all succeeding jobs by showing up and doing an honest day’s work for the next 40 years. I put in the effort, I did the time, I worked hard to provide for myself and my children and did not become a burden on society. I tried to be a forthright person, a good wife, a good friend, a loving daughter and sought to constantly improve myself. I got out there, took risks, and reached for that brass ring, and after enough tries I got it. I didn’t give up after the first failure.
I’m a reasonably attractive, intelligent, honest woman. As a result I had a lot of options ever the years when it comes to choosing a mate. I made huge mistakes and paid the price for it many times over. I’ve chosen poorly with mean violent men, lazy men, dishonest men, drunkards, and all around dumb asses in every sense of the word. I finally came to my senses in this department and chose an honest, good hearted man, with a profound sense of personal integrity. I reap the rewards of this choice everyday when I look at darling husband and know that he loves, cherishes and respects me.
There is a movie called “Liar, Liar” starring Jim Carrey. He is a criminal defense attorney and a consummate liar. As a result his young son wishes, when he blows out his birthday candles, that his dad would not be able to tell a lie for one whole day.
That’s a little difficult to do when you are trying to defend criminals. One scene that really cracks me up is when his secretary tells him that one of his clients is line one. He’s done something illegal again and needs advice from his attorney. Jim, unable to tell a lie, snatches up the phone and yells, “Stop breaking the law, Asshole!!!” and then slams down the phone. Now that is good advice. Every time I see that I almost roll in the floor laughing. For a lot of people it really is just that simple. Duh, don’t break the law. Duh, don’t do wrong things. Duh, don’t steal from others, Duh, don’t run around shooting and killing people, Duh, don’t use and sell illegal drugs, Duh, don’t run around acting ike a complete slut puppy, etc.
There is a quote that I love and I don’t know who said it but here it is; “There is a reason that God gave us the Ten Commandments, not the ten suggestions.” No good ever comes from breaking any of these commandments. Of course the big 10 is a Christian way of putting it, but just about every religion has some version of this theory. Even atheists refer to things like Karma, and “what does around comes around.”
Where do we go from here now that all other children are growin’ up?
And how do we spend our lives if there’s no one to lend us a hand?
I don’t wanna live here no more, I don’t wanna stay
Ain’t gonna spend the rest of my life, Quietly fading away
Alan Parsons Project -Where Do We Go From Here? Lyrics
The here that I don’t wanna live in no more is not a physical space like my house. It’s a metaphysical location – the place I’m stuck in at the moment. I’m tired of fading away, I don’t do anything quietly and furthermore – I’m not liking this! I miss ME. I miss the fun loving, adventurous, creative, rose colored glasses wearing, me.
And there are certainly plenty of people to lend me a hand. All I have to do is reach out, answer the damned phone, come out from under my blankey. Take that risk, belly flop back into the pool.
I’ve always been my best friend or my worst enemy, depending on the situation. Lately I’ve been the enemy. Beating myself up for something that is …not…my…fault. Mental illness is not something that happens because of personal flaws or failings, it just happens. Here I am hiding from people because I’m supposed to be perfect in every way. Well I’m not Mary Poppins. And now I’ve retreated so far into my shell that I’m lost and having trouble finding the way out.
This reminds me of a scene from the movie Liar Liar, starring Jim Carrey. He’s in the bathroom, slamming around, banging his head on the sink, rubbing soap in his eyes. A guy walks in and asks “What the hell are you doing?” He replies, “I’m kicking my ass, do you mind?”
I was looking at my bank statement yesterday and it really hit me hard. There are no transactions on there in the month except for a trip to the 7-11 convenience store every few days for a pack of smokes. That’s it, zip, nada. I’m not going anywhere, doing anything, shopping, eating, going to movies. Gads – I’ve morphed into a Zombie. This is just downright ridiculous.
There are far better ways to save money than impersonating a hermit. Although I may have to sell blood or something. I’m in shock and furious at the moment because I went to drug store to pick up my prescription and it was THREE HUNDRED and NINETY DOLLARS!!!&%#* What the? EErrggg…gaaaaHHH. Are you effing kidding me?? What the hell is this stuff made out of?? Gold plated platinum dusted, uranium? I almost pooped my pants right there in the pharmacy. The Astra Zeneca Pharmaceutical Corporation is the new Anti-Christ, in my opinion. Time to go back to the head doctor and discuss generics or a plan B.
Maybe I should drag my suitcase out of the closet and start packing it. I’ll worry about a destination along the way. I do want to go visit my family and I miss them terribly, but they all live in and around New Orleans. The combination of the Super Bowl there this year, followed by Mardi Gras this month was a little daunting, so I stayed home. Way too much of a circus for my taste. But, that’s all over now. Nothing stopping me – except me.