I’ve been making a push to get back to eating healthy unadulterated foods in the house. A brand new gigantic Whole Foods store opened near our house recently and we went a bit overboard shopping the first day. One of things we purchased was some delicious grass-fed rib eye steaks with no added hormones or antibiotics, which the Hubman grilled up Sunday evening. We had the mother-in-law over and made an evening of it.
Last night we snacked on the left over steak and salad right out of the fridge. It was great, just like cold pizza. Mr. Husband put his chunk on a cutting board and sliced off a few slivers as a treat for our dog. Then we went to bed.
This morning I woke up and tottered into the kitchen. The whole kitchen seemed alive. I was standing at the counter resting my hands on it before I realized that what I was seeing through my no spectacles fog was an ant swarm. While I was coming to, the ants started to swarm up my arms. I freaked out and raced to get my glasses, then went into the bathroom to wash my arms.
What I saw in the mirror will haunt me to the end of my days as well as make me laugh so hard I almost wet my pants. Let me back up a bit and say that my hair is very thick has a lot of body to it. I also made the mistake of going to bed with wet hair last night. What greeted me in the mirror this morning was a shocked woman who looked like someone had installed a satellite dish on her head during the night and was covered with ants. By this time some of them had made up to my neck and even my face.
A frantic wash down of my face and arms ensued, followed by a bombardment of veggie wash to all the surfaces in the kitchen. The veggie wash I buy is organic and has a strong citrusy smell which the stopped the little buggers in their tracks. I’m glad it worked because I really didn’t want to hose down my entire kitchen with bug poison.
It’s a darn good thing I don’t have any kind of insect phobia because I would have had an early morning rush to the nearest psych ward in the latest style of straight jacket if I did.
The thing with ants is that I think we are collectively smarter than we are. They know where the nutrition is. If we get lazy and leave junk food on the counter at night nothing happens. But leave out a cutting board with just a little bit of juice from a healthy grass-fed steak and every ant in the Tri State area will swarm to your house while calling their friends.
So my morning started out pretty wild and wacky. I think it’s going to be an interesting day.
I Don’t Care About Your Fiber. And don’t even think of telling me what to do with mine.
Been conducting my ongoing research on all the different diets that are supposed to be THE answer, the magic bullet, the end all be all answer to health. I’m leaning towards the Paleo eating plan. There is one major problem with it however. Paleo foods don’t store as well as grains. I have to go shopping more than once per year. One of the things I found out while researching vegetarian diets (which seem counter intuitive to me) is the following tidbits:
Potatoes, grains and beans are:
- Toxic when eaten raw, which means they have to be cooked. This leads me to believe that eating them came after the discovery of fire. What did us humans do before that? A cleansing juice fast? Bugs?
- Insufficient cooking can lead to mild stomach upsets to acute gastroenteritis. Amen to that brother. I have accused my husband of trying to kill me with lentil soup on more than one occasion.
- chock full of carbohydrates, digest quickly, and have a high glycemic index. Ah ha! The old sugar spike. I don’t care if I’m diabetic, bring it on.
- Has lots of fiber, more than your body needs. As result you become bloated and flatulent. Particularly annoying if you have to sit in meetings all day at work. Although a minor explosion might provide come comic relief, and lead you to be excused from further meetings. Great topic of conversation for parties.
So far, I haven’t found what amounts to any first hand or the original research on vegetarianism. All the sites I look at are copy and paste of some article zero written by God only knows who, God knows when. So if you try to tell me you wrote it. I want proof! They all say pretty much the same thing, though. Meat is gross, veggies are good. Eating meat is unnatural. Eat grains, grains and more grains. Eating meat is EVOL… yada yada. (I stole the evol from Christopher Titus, a great comedian) References to references to someone’s interpretation of a study they heard about at a cocktail party that refers to someone’s blog who makes up stuff out of their head just to mess with people.
Riddle me this:
Mr. & Mrs. Cavemen are sitting around the fire one evening. They are arguing about who gets the last piece of cold nasty root. Mrs. Caveman is trying to get root fibers out of her teeth, but not having much luck because no one invented the toothpick yet. Mr. Cavemen stands up and declares “That’s it. I have had all I can stand! I’m off to the jungle to kill the first squiggly thing I see. Stoke up that fire, Missy, I’ll be back.” Later on in the cave they are munching on some ribs:
Mr: Caveman: (groaning) oh my God that’s good. We need to do this more often.
Mrs. Caveman: “honey, I don’t know about this. It just seems…unnatural.”
Mr. Caveman: you always complain!
Mrs. Caveman: it just feels like…what’s that word…cannibbalism? A minute ago I looked at you and had a vision of you roasting on a spit with an apple in your mouth.
Mr. Caveman: sometimes you scare me.
Vegetarians tell stories of trying to eat meat and becoming violently ill afterwards. This is post hoc, ergo propter hoc. Other wise known as a fallacy of reasoning. Event B happened after Event A. Therefore, Event A caused Event B. Not automatically true. “Vegetarians tell stories” is a red flag right there. Telling stories is not evidence, it is a S T O R Y, anecdotal not empirical evidence. There are many possible reasons that someone became violently ill after eating.
- Their body is not used to eating meat. Same thing can be said of people who become violently ill after eating beans or lentils. Me, for example.
- They didn’t like the company they were with. Happens to me all the time.
- The all natural spinach salad with organic mushrooms they had for lunch had e-coli all over it.
- They have the flu.
- They found out it was their turn to clean the cat box.
- They licked the door knob at the bus station. (Richard Jenni, another great comedian, RIP)
The Straight Dope: This link does not embrace tofu, so don’t get your knickers in a twist.