I want to start out by saying that I love you with all my heart. You are my child and I will always love you no matter what. That being said, I need to point out to you that you are an ADULT now and have been legally so for the last 25 years. And as an adult YOU are responsible for providing yourself with the life you want or need. No one else, not the government, not your friends, not me, or anyone else is required to provide for you. YOU are supposed to provide for you. That is God’s will and God’s plan for your life. I know you as only a mother can, and I know that you know the difference between right and wrong. That you chose to ignore what you know is the main source of the sorrows in your life.
I obviously made mistakes when trying to raise you and for that I sincerely apologize. I was a child of 16 myself when I gave birth to you and had no knowledge of how to raise a child and provide you with guidance that I never received because I made the poor choice to leave home too soon. Somehow I failed to impart to you the reality that when you are an adult almost everything that happens is a direct result of your action or inaction in any given situation. Sure sometimes bad things happen to good people, but only rarely. When bad things are constantly happening, you need to step back and take a long hard look at what you are doing or not doing to bring such sadness and deprivation into your life.
- My car, purse, phone and laptop got stolen; well, you left your car unlocked, running, with the keys in it. That was your inaction. The place you choose to live is the car theft capital of the country and you are well aware of that.
- My meds got stolen; well that was your choice to let it be known that you have meds that can be abused in your home and to also leave your house unlocked rather than blame it on the fact that the mate you chose, an alleged adult, can’t seem to keep track of a house key.
- Someone is listening to my phone; OK, you know why that is, if someone really is doing that. This is a DIRECT RESULT of something you have done that you should not have done. You are NOT a random target.
- My feet are cold, I lost my boots; well you chose to live in a frigid climate and chose not to keep track of your boots.
I can’t even count how many sad tales I’ve heard from you over these decades since you reached adulthood. I have lain awake night after night wondering why it is that you seem bound and determined to screw yourself over in every way possible.
One thing that has become clear to me is that you do not accept responsibility for yourself. I hear endless excuses about how whatever the latest crisis is not your fault. People are always out to get you. You never get a fair break. You are betrayed yet again. And on and on it goes. You have told so many half-truths and made so many excuses for your circumstances that you start to believe that is the truth instead of doing some serious soul-searching and asking yourself “what am I doing to ruin my life?” Deep down in you somewhere you know the truth, but I don’t think you have actually faced it and taken ownership and responsibility for your life.
Grandmommie used to have a quaint way of saying it. “If you lay down with a dog, you get up with fleas.” A biblical way of putting it is: “You reap what you sow.” What are you sowing? It can’t be anything beneficial, because your life seems to be a never ending stream of tragedy, melodrama and heartbreak. At the age you are, you should be reaping at least a little bit of joy, roses and sunshine by now instead of living in the eternal darkness of a wasted life caused by bad choices.
Looking back over the years I realize now that the only time you call is when you want something from me. You usually call when it’s getting close to Christmas. You want me to give you money, buy you something you insist you “need,” listen and believe your latest sob story and go along with your misguided attitude of “oh you poor little thing, why are all this terrible things happening to you?” I can’t even recall a time when you called me simply because you wanted to know how I was doing, what is going on in my life, what troubles I may have. These seem to be non-issues to you. I feel that I am nothing to you but an ATM machine and a shoulder to cry on when you’ve made yet another extremely unwise decision.
I can’t force you to change your ways and I don’t intend to even try. What I can do is change my ways. What I have decided is that I will no longer;
- Give you money
- Buy things for you
- Respond to random text messages that are impossible to understand
- Sympathize with you when you are suffering from the consequences of you own actions
- Believe your excuses and long involved stories of why it wasn’t your fault that something bad is happening to you yet again
- Attempt to rescue you from another pickle you’ve gotten yourself into
- Attempt to have a conversation with you when you refuse to be honest and give me straight answers to reasonable questions regarding your situation
- Attempt to talk to you when you are stoned, high, drunk, wasted, baked, buzzed or whatever the latest slang for being under the influence of drugs or alcohol may be
- Allow you to come live with me because you “just can’t make it” on your own
What I will do is continue to love you and pray for you every day. The gift I am giving you today is your life. I am handing it to you on a silver platter because it does not belong to me. I have also given you back to God. It is between you and him what you do with your life. You know what you need to do. There is no better time than now to start living an honest, moral, sane, peaceful and joyful life. I hope you do, I’m looking forward to it.
Love you forever,
The person who lives inside my head seems to enjoy making up equations to explain life. The latest equations to pop out is:
Investopedia explains Monetize: For example, you’ll often hear Internet marketers talk about “monetizing website visitors.” This is another way of saying that the marketers are trying to figure out a way of making money from website visitors, such as through advertising, e-commerce, etc.
Now, I have nothing against profit. We all need it to make a living somehow, someway. But, the push to monetize every moment of our daily lives is one of the major reasons we have no privacy anymore. Not that we ever did really, but now your every minute is scrutinized and analyzed to look for some way to squeeze another penny out of you. Ever wonder why they ask you for your zip code even when you pay cash? Some data crunching company somewhere is analyzing spending habits by zip code. I always say “no, thank you” when asked for personal information. The thank you part usually confuses the clerk enough to skip past the request.
I don’t give out my phone number when asked either. It may come as a shock even to those who know me, but I don’t really like to talk on the phone. And I really, really don’t like to talk on the phone to some stranger asking me personal questions for a “survey.” I make an exception for my sister because I do love to talk to her, even on the phone. No matter what we talk about, I am happy for the rest of the day. I should call her more often.
I enjoy talking to people in person. Love, love, love it! Some of the happiest moments of my life happen in the midst of talking to Mr. Husband, family and friends.
Unfortunately, my daughter is a big reason for the phone phobia. I love her with every beat of my heart and every breath I take. However, when the phone rings and I see her number on the caller ID I think, “Oh God, now what?” The little darling only calls me when she is in trouble and/or wants money. She’s 40 years old and still hasn’t figured out the concept that at some point we are all responsible for our own actions and the consequences of said actions.
One her half brothers gave her laptop so now Tech Support calls are another reason (excuse) to call me at 2:00 am.
Daughter: Mom, my computer has a virus and I can’t get online with it. (thank God, she’s not spreading it around)
Mom: How did this happen? Do you have anti-virus software installed?
Daughter: Well no, I was going to but I got busy, and I don’t know how. (says the Queen of Excuses)
Mom: So…you couldn’t call me at a more reasonable hour to ask me about this?
Daughter: Well I’m taking a class at a community college and I have a paper due tomorrow.
Mom: So you thought waiting until the middle of the night before the paper was due to write it was a good idea?
Daughter: Well, it’s due tomorrow so I have to write it tonight and email it to my teacher. (the waiting until the last-minute part zooms right over her head)
Mom: I’m sorry but there is nothing I can do at this point to help you at this point. Perhaps you should have called me when you got the laptop, say… a year ago?
Daughter: You don’t love me anymore, you never did!
Mom: ***sigh*** you’re right I guess. I only spent decades of my life raising you up for the grins and giggles.
How did I get from P + M = ENFA to whining about my daughter? Only the shadow knows.
Phone Photo above from Voicegals post: Phone Phobia
My bags are packed – I’m ready to go. I’m leaving on a jet plane – Don’t know when I’ll be back again. Sorry, broke into song there for a minute. I do know when I’ll be back again…Monday. Why am I leaving? The answer is: Mother decided to have elective surgery without telling anyone until the very last-minute.
Talked to her day before yesterday and she said she was packing to go up to Chicago on the train and oh, by the way, she’s having surgery. It’s an elective procedure to reverse a previous cosmetic procedure done about 40 years ago when she was at the height of her modeling career. You can probably take a wild guess at what it is. It involves the removal of 2 grapefruits from the front of her anatomy.
I thought I would have time to process the info and make plans to go up there all in due time. Then I found out last night that the surgery is TODAY?!!?? What the hell?? Mother, why do you do this to me, to us? I know you’re a grown woman and free to make your own decisions, but you have 4 daughters and 2 sons who flip out when you go off with warning. Is this payback for all the crap we put you through?
So anyway, a whirlwind of last-minute ticketing at last-minute prices ensued along with a fury of repacking. The one time in my life that I unpacked right away was from last weekends wedding. If I’d just left my suitcase sitting there untouched for days like I usually do, I wouldn’t even need to pack at all. Just launder some clothes, throw them back in the bag and good to go.
Not quite sure if I’m flying to Chicago to be with my mother because I’m concerned or if I’m flying up there to strangle her, or both. Mom does things her own way and in her own time. Which is usually at the last damn minute. Makes it a little difficult to shift around ones chess pieces to catch up. This could in fact be her unconscious and diabolic plan all along. Doesn’t give anyone time to talk “sense” into her. If there is such a thing. Who knows?