As my days count down here at this job, I’m caught between to worlds and it feels stranger with each passing day. Hard to stay focused. My spirit has left this 9-5 world behind, but my body is still here. Seeing the whole scene through a pane of glass. I look around at my office surroundings, read the deluge of emails, all marked urgent. I just don’t feel urgent. I see people scurrying around at top speed, yapping on their cell phones, sitting in conference rooms watching presentations. Why did any of this matter to me at all? Is it one of those falsehoods that you have to believe so you won’t go crazy from decades of pretending?
Driving to work this morning was an experience. Everyone is zipping in and out of traffic, tailgating, putting on makeup and shaving at 70 mph. Is their life really worth that risk? Maybe not to them. Evidenced by this picture ——————> Would you post this on the web if you did this? ***rolls eyes*** My husband would probably break my arm trying to stop me from calling highway patrol.
Does being busy make you important? Does being not busy make you useless? I’ve been torturing myself with all kinds of doubts. However, this morning the lilies spoke to me. No, not the lilies in the yard, I’m not completely bonkers. Part of the Sermon on the Mount came to mind. This is surprising because I didn’t realize I ever paid attention in Sunday school.
So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
I used to wonder about this. It didn’t make sense to me. My grandmother believed that you had to work hard every minute of the day be worthy of love or even existing on the planet. It made her crazy if I sat there for even a few minutes and daydreamed. “Idle hands are the Devil’s Workshop” and all that rot.
Now I can see that I was concentrating on the toil and spin part instead of the why do you worry part. I don’t think Mr. Husband is going to toss me out in the street. Sure, it’s wonderful to contribute something of ourselves to the world. However, I believe that there are many ways to be useful that don’t involve punching a clock.