Tag Archives: pandemonium

Craziness Begets Craziness

independence day

Oh Crap!

I had a wild and wacky dream last night. I think it may have been inspired by listening to the wild and crazy stories my daughter has been telling me lately. If you have not seen previous posts my daughter is mentally ill with bipolar and possibly schizophrenia.

The set up scenario in the dream was that the government had discovered that a huge alien armada of ships was on its way to earth and no one had any idea of their intentions. Was this an invasion or a welcome wagon? No one knew. Of course all of the usual talking heads were speculating wildly as to what was going to happen.

In preparation the government decided to gather a group of people to deal with this problem. I ended up getting drafted because of my skill set. Somehow having previous experience working at a railroad was valuable, something about being a good administrative organizer and being able to arrange transportation for large amounts of people. Maybe I was expected to figure out how many people would fit in a cattle car, who knows? A bunch of us with varying skills were drafted and lodged in a hotel, it was nice hotel, but it was against our will. The hotel was surrounded by armed guards of unidentifiable origin. There were no patches or insignia on their uniform to indicate what branch of the military they were from, if they were military. Maybe they were from some secret militia

Some of the men in the dream were Hugh Laurie, William Shatner, and my old boss Vince Van Horn from the railroad days. For some reason with nothing to do but drink and get silly, they all wanted to hang out with me and get in my pants. I just couldn’t understand it at all. I’m a silver haired 58-year-old married woman and furthermore I was not the slightest bit interested in any of them. I thought those days of men chasing me around the desk were long gone. Furthermore there were more important issues at hand then playing who gets the girl games.

As time passed while we were confined in this hotel, no organized work detail had been worked out yet so everyone spent the majority of their time hitting the sumptuous buffet and drinking like sailors. I kept pocketing and stashing nonperishable food items because I knew the aliens were coming and things were probably going to get a lot worse. The food and the booze were not going to last forever.

At one point during this debauchery Hugh Laurie snuck in my bed, spooned up behind me and tried to get it on. But he was so drunk he had erectile dysfunction. I pretended to be asleep or passed out so he finally gave up and slunk away. It was so incredibly silly that I didn’t intend to mention it and was pretty sure he would not either out of embarrassment over his lack of performance. Somehow later I figured out that he thought I was the lesbian character from the House TV program and he wanted to do the wild thing with a lesbian.

Things proceeded to get even more ridiculous. At one point there were about 15 people in my hotel room drinking and partying, and eating hot dogs. I have no clue where the hot dogs came from or why we were eating them since we could have had rack of lamb, champagne and strawberries delivered to the room on a silver tray by a waiter in full livery. I kept wondering why the hell they wanted to be in my room anyway. I didn’t like any of them particularly and really wanted to talk about what was important, to me anyway, which was the fact that aliens were on their way to earth and what were we going to do about it?

During this drunken revelry a super model teetered her way on six-inch heels, approached me and informed me that I couldn’t have William Shatner because he belonged to her. I told her I didn’t want him anyway and for her to knock herself out. She would be doing me a favor getting him the hell out of my room. I had been considering ripping off his toupee and beating him with it just to shut him up. She didn’t like the answer and proceeded to try to get in a cat fight with me. We wrestled around a bit in the kitchen and I got tired of it and finally grabbed her by the scruff of her neck and tossed her out of the room. It wasn’t that difficult since she was a skinny model and had the upper body strength of a starving kitten.

This nonsense went on for what seemed like days or weeks and finally the aliens showed up. The ship was gigantic, like some 15 miles across and hovered over the city just like in that movie Independence Day, staring Bill Pullman, Will Smith, and Jeff Goldblum. Not believing that the pandemonium could get any worse, it did. Everyone rushed out into the street to see the ship. Some were happy to see it and wanted to invite the aliens to our non-stop party. Others were screaming and running around in a mindless panic.

Then the rain started. The ship began spraying something over the city that looked like some sort of blue goo. People were laughing and dancing in this “rain” and rubbing the stuff all over their skin. I tried to explain to some of them that it was probably not a good idea to rub an unidentified substance sprayed from an alien ship into their skin but nobody paid any attention to me.

I finally threw up my hands and went to the hotel bar, walked behind the counter and grabbed a bottle of booze, I don’t remember what kind. I then found the stairs and descended as far down into the bowels of the hotel as possible and into a farthest dark corner of a sub-basement. I sat down took a huge sip from the bottle and lit a cigarette. As I exhaled I thought “Oh God, this is so going to suck big time.”

Thankfully at this point I woke up. I announced to Mr. Husband that he was lucky he rarely remembers his dreams. These crazy dreams indicate to me that I truly am a writer at heart. I can cook up stuff that makes horror movies seem tame in comparison.

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