Tag Archives: Relationships

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Orgasm

lover at lastRecently I relearned a lesson that I’ve learned before and keep forgetting. Just because a book is in the New York Times bestseller list does not guarantee that I’m going to like it. It may be an excellent well written thrill ride with gut wrenching emotional twists and turns, but not my cup of tea.

The book I’m reading is billed as a continuation in a series about a Vampire Brotherhood with “the hottest collection of studs in romance.” Yea buddy, bring it ON!! The book has a glossary of terms at the beginning that I have to keep referring to, because there are a lot of unfamiliar terms flying around in this author’s world and I am delving into a book that is part of series.

I like the author’s style of writing a lot. It is razor whip sharp, edge of your seat, nail biting, can’t put it down action. And the sex, oh my God, everybody is screwing everybody. We’re talking needles behind the eyes, gotta have it NOW, thrashing around, breaking the furniture, leaving teeth marks on the headboard, climbing the walls, swinging from the rafters, non-stop action. So much of it is going on that it is probably frightening the farm animals in adjacent counties.

However about a quarter of the way through the book I figured something out. The book is sort of a Twilight Vampire World crashes into Broke Back Mountain. The two main lovers are male and the majority of the sex scenes are between 2 males. There is one scene where a vampire male is nailing a human woman in a Toyota, if that’s even possible, but he’s obviously just using her for a quick fix. There are occasional references to sex with females but it is only inferred rather than described and seems to be mainly for the purposes of procreation.

The two main lovers are male vampires who, for some reason that I haven’t figured out yet, can not “be together” openly. But, occasionally slam into each other in the biblical sense when they just can’t take being apart anymore. I assume that in this book they will figure out a way to be couple.

Although I’m enjoying the story telling in this book, it’s just not working as a romance novel for me, the main reason being that I’m heterosexual. I have no problem with anyone being with whatever gender floats their boat, however same gender love scenes do not arouse me. It’s more of a clinical interest like watching a documentary on the mating habits of the Sub-Saharan Gazelles. I’m happy for them and all but I have no interest in joining the party.

So anyway, lesson learned. When I want a good cuddle up on a cold day steamy romance book, I need to make sure it’s the brand of romance that is going to work for me.

Weddings Are Good for Everyone

Niece and Her Man  - Tying the Knot

Niece and Her Man – Tying the Knot

I shudder when I hear people say things like “marriage is just a piece of paper. It doesn’t mean anything.” And I used to believe that also, until I tried being married.  Maybe a marriage license is a piece of paper, but an actual marriage can be a wonderful thing.

The picture above is of my niece at her wedding. The one we drove 3,000 miles to attend in Key West, Florida, back in December ’12. I hope they look at their pictures with love and hope on those days of baggy sweatpants and unbrushed hair. On those cold dark mornings after being up all night with a teething fitful baby.

A wedding is a great way to kick off a marriage, especially for the bride and groom. They are standing up together in front of family and friends to pledge their commitment to each other in front of witnesses. I think this is a good memory to have when the hard times come, as they always do. Sickness, disagreements, financial difficulties, crazy in-laws and the whole cornucopia of the marital roller coaster ride.

Toasting the Bride and Groom

Toasting the Bride and Groom

As long as I’m pontificating on marriage I may as well weigh in on the same sex marriage debate.  My opinion is that 2 people who love each other should be allowed to make a legal pledge of love and commitment to each other regardless of gender. Being the opposite gender is no guarantee of a happy marriage and being the same gender is not a recipe for disaster. So sayeth I and that’s the enough for now.

For older married couples a wedding is a wonderful time machine to look back on those honeymoon days with one’s spouse and all the ways you have grown and changed. You get to set back and have the wise chuckle of experience knowing that this happy couple is only on their first baby steps of a journey through heaven and hell together.

Twilight Saga – Breaking Dawn Part 2

Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2

photo via IMDb.com

Mr. Husband and I went to see Twilight Saga – Breaking Dawn Part 2 yesterday. I was so stoked and loved every minute of it. Mr. Husband sighed and fidgeted and laughed at things that weren’t supposed to be funny. There were a few times that I was tempted to kick him, but managed to control myself.

The Twilight Saga seems to be one of the series of books and movies that people either absolutely love to the point of fanaticism, or loathe beyond all reason. Hubman and I are definitely in opposite camps on this one. He likes the manly man, blow up everything, 15 minute car chase, and shoot every anything that moves, The Dirty Dozen type of movies.

I like some of them too. The Matrix series and Bladerunner are pretty violent, but there’s enough lovey dovey stuff in there to make up for it. The characters against all odds end up loving each other and doing things like, eeeww, kissing in public, and even, dare I say it, make love on occasion. Oh my God. That just ruins all the delicious violence for some guys, I guess.

We ended up having a humongous 2 day long fight, with tears, cold shoulders and the whole bit over the subject of whether or not he would accompany me to this movie. I’ve been looking forward to it since that the very second after Breaking Dawn Part 1 ended. His response the first time I asked him to go with me a couple of months ago was “I don’t really don’t want to. Can’t you go with someone else?” He conveniently does not remember this. I didn’t want to go with someone else dammit! I wanted to go with my husband!

What really got me worked up into a world of hurt was thinking back over the last few months. He’s been really busy with annoying attorneys, working on some Masters of the Universe business deal. His mother got diagnosed with breast cancer, but she’s going to be fine, they caught it very early. All this stuff has been going and I’ve been sort of sneaking around like a house mouse feeling ignored and neglected.

I’ve tried to be adult, understanding, patient and all that good stuff, but then it hit me. Over these last few months I’ve asked for ONE THING and got turned down. That’s one of my hot buttons. In my life it’s very difficult to ask for help or anything else because “no” hurts a lot. As a result I rarely asked for anything. So I asked him during this fight to think back and tell me what is that one thing that I’ve asked for. Just one thing, think about it, Bubba.

He launched on his usual tirade about he doesn’t know what I want; he doesn’t know what to do to make me happy. I responded with “well you could make a good start by just listening to me. It’s not really as difficult as you make it sound.” Come on try again. Think back again. I ask you “what is the one thing that I’ve asked of you in the last 3 or 4 months?”

I could practically see his brain churning. Then he got a look of incredulity on his face that was almost comical. He said “is this about that movie?” My answered “Yes, this is about that movie, but it’s more than just the movie. It’s the fact you turned me down when I asked you for one little thing. I haven’t asked you for anything else. I haven’t asked for expensive stuff, or long weekends at the spa, or a trip to the moon. I asked you for 2 hours of your time to do something that I enjoyed and you turned me down!”

So anyway, we went to the movie. Came home had another fight, cried, made up again and decided that we really need to work on our communication skills.

Destination Weddings – Please Spare me

extreme wedding

Extreme Wedding - Yeeee Haaaa

Ah, the Destination Wedding. Please spare me the joy. I’ve traipsed down the aisle to wedded bliss three times now. This last one is going to stick if for no other reason than I’m never doing it again!

Awww, big hugs to you Mr. Husband, I love you with all my heart and even more than my luggage. But honey, if you dropped dead tomorrow, I would spent the rest of my life being a merry widow. No one could replace you! ?! (Wonder if I get extra kudos for that) OK, I’m old and bit jaded. So what’s your point?

Young brides, please listen to me. I know that a wedding is your special day.  But in the big picture, it’s just one day. Do you really want to start out your married life by alienating all your friends and relatives? A destination wedding is the ultimate scenario of “I want Daddy and everyone else to fund my fantasies” and it goes downhill from there.

Ladies, if you want to get married in a tree house in Borneo wearing fig leaves and a fruit hat. Go for it. Just don’t expect us all to troop over to Borneo with you. Wouldn’t it be more romantic to have a small private ceremony with just the Groom , the minister, and few close friends who want to be there?

Going on a trip is an expensive and exhausting proposition and should only be undertaken when people are going where they want to go for the reason they want to go there. For some of us it may be the only trip we can afford for several years or decades. If the economy keeps sliding down the tube.  Hee hee, I had to slip that in there just for hell of it.

make up disaster

Related to the Bride or Groom?

There are many things I’d rather do than pay big bucks to spend a few days cooped up with gaggle of cranky relatives and in-laws I only see once a year at an open bar. Some of my in-laws have made it excruciatingly clear that is how they feel about me also, just for the record. I never understand that.  I’m such a likable person and I’m neeeever sarcastic or snide, when I’m asleep. Which I will be after 3 beers.

Another thing that gets me after these destination weddings is that it kind of feels like I’m invited to the honeymoon. I’m always tempted to go bang on the newlywed’s heart shaped door and yell “hey, what’s with you two??? The party is still rocking. I came all the way to Borneo to see you two kids hanging all over each other, being all lovey dovey.  In luv 4ever. So get down to the pool pronto. Make it snappy!”… “And put some damn Visine in your eyes, we’re taking pictures!” Lots of pictures, thousands of pictures.

I guess I should be honored to be invited to the wedding. And I am, but hey.

So…How Did You Meet Anyway?

Hubman and Me - luv 4everJust wanted to share that the love story of Mr. Husband and me got published on Susan Amestoy’s blog So How Did you Meet Anyway.  Thank you Susan and big hugs to the Hub Man. Your love helps me stay strong. The post was on November 18th. The title is From Fantasy to Reality.

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