Tag Archives: Romance novel

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Orgasm

lover at lastRecently I relearned a lesson that I’ve learned before and keep forgetting. Just because a book is in the New York Times bestseller list does not guarantee that I’m going to like it. It may be an excellent well written thrill ride with gut wrenching emotional twists and turns, but not my cup of tea.

The book I’m reading is billed as a continuation in a series about a Vampire Brotherhood with “the hottest collection of studs in romance.” Yea buddy, bring it ON!! The book has a glossary of terms at the beginning that I have to keep referring to, because there are a lot of unfamiliar terms flying around in this author’s world and I am delving into a book that is part of series.

I like the author’s style of writing a lot. It is razor whip sharp, edge of your seat, nail biting, can’t put it down action. And the sex, oh my God, everybody is screwing everybody. We’re talking needles behind the eyes, gotta have it NOW, thrashing around, breaking the furniture, leaving teeth marks on the headboard, climbing the walls, swinging from the rafters, non-stop action. So much of it is going on that it is probably frightening the farm animals in adjacent counties.

However about a quarter of the way through the book I figured something out. The book is sort of a Twilight Vampire World crashes into Broke Back Mountain. The two main lovers are male and the majority of the sex scenes are between 2 males. There is one scene where a vampire male is nailing a human woman in a Toyota, if that’s even possible, but he’s obviously just using her for a quick fix. There are occasional references to sex with females but it is only inferred rather than described and seems to be mainly for the purposes of procreation.

The two main lovers are male vampires who, for some reason that I haven’t figured out yet, can not “be together” openly. But, occasionally slam into each other in the biblical sense when they just can’t take being apart anymore. I assume that in this book they will figure out a way to be couple.

Although I’m enjoying the story telling in this book, it’s just not working as a romance novel for me, the main reason being that I’m heterosexual. I have no problem with anyone being with whatever gender floats their boat, however same gender love scenes do not arouse me. It’s more of a clinical interest like watching a documentary on the mating habits of the Sub-Saharan Gazelles. I’m happy for them and all but I have no interest in joining the party.

So anyway, lesson learned. When I want a good cuddle up on a cold day steamy romance book, I need to make sure it’s the brand of romance that is going to work for me.

Don’t Dis the Romance

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more
Christana Perri, A Thousand Years – Lyrics- Featured in the Twilight Saga

photo credit: The Two-Step: The Dance Towards Intimacy; Eileen McCann (Author), Douglas Shannon (Illustrator)

photo credit: The Two-Step: The Dance Towards Intimacy; Eileen McCann (Author), Douglas Shannon (Illustrator)

To all of you out there that think that romanctical stuff is all fuzzy wuzzy, and silly; I want to warn you – Don’t dis romance. If your partner gets all choked up in the face of romance movie or novel, don’t forget that you are a part of this. They get way more choked up around their love for you than they do about any “silly” romance movie or novel. You are an integral part of their belief system.

If you poo poo your or shoot down your romantically natured partner you are actually shooting your relationship in the foot. Some of us are just hard-wired for intense feelings. Some of them not so pleasant but when we feel good, we feel really really good!

So ride the wave baby, go with the flow. Don’t squelch romantic inclinations in your partner. In the end, if you do this, you lose.  I don’t mean to imply that you are heartless or don’t really care about your partner, far from it. We all have different ways of expressing emotions. Some of us don’t do it at all. Then there are those of us who want to build a 50 foot high pink heart on the front lawn for Valentine’s Day. We may not actually do this for fear of getting laughed it, but the desire is still there.

My love for the Hubman is incredibly intense. So intense that I often freeze up and don’t do or say anything about it at all. He tends to shy away from intense emotionally displays except for the macho-man acceptable topics, sports, politics, etc. I actually told him once that I was jealous of football because that is the only time I see him display emotions; rage, joy, disgust, elation. Politics really gets him going, but it doesn’t do a thing for me. I always want to put my hands over my ears to block it out.

Things that get me jacked up are what is happening right here, right now. A pretty flower, a baby’s smile, a beautiful sunset – not speculations on what may or may not be happening on the other side of the globe.

Mr. Hubman drives a huge Ford F150 truck and there are times I think he loves the truck more than me. Is this a macho man’s version of a romance novel, I wonder? I told him once that if he loved that damned truck so much why didn’t he just go sleep in it. He ignored me. (the very nerve!)

Maybe the point I’m trying to make here is; don’t trivialize someone else’s passion, even if you don’t quite understand it.

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