Well NaNoWriMo came and went. I saw, I tried and it kicked my ass. Then I spent another week kicking my own ass. Tried and failed, blah, blah, blah. Couldn’t commit to paper a measly 50 thousand words in 30 days.
Never mind that’s a huge task. It never ceases to amaze me…the things I say to myself. I wouldn’t say such things to a friend or loved one, but I’ll rip my own self a new one at every opportunity. If I lived back on the dark ages I would probably be one of those people who whipped themselves occasionally in front of a cross.
Outrageous deadlines are always in the top 3 of the most hated aspects of corporate life. So what does the great and logical me do? Assign my own self a huge honking deadline and tell me it will be fun. The same thing I struggled with at the corp beehive. It’s a challenge! It will make you a better person. You never know productive you can be until you push yourself. Ah, such pretty words. But, such deadly words. Productivity just for the sake of being productive is a hamster wheel, but familiar. I was floundering around in this “retirement” phase of my life and thought this would be the ticket back to safe and familiar ground.
Well, I am no longer a retired person. I don’t like that label at all. It makes me feel like I’m a past tense ghost of my former self. I’m a writer who just so happened, in the past, to work in a big high-tech rabbit warren. That’s the past…moving along now. Nothing to see here. It is simply part of what made me who I am today.
So every day is a new day. Going to stop trying to sew patches on my old life. I spent the last 6 months doing that and it didn’t work well. Now it’s time for me to reinvent my life wheel. Set my own standards and be me. Whoever the hell that is. I’ll figure it out.