Tag Archives: swimming

The Thot Plickens

A camping we will go. A camping we go. Hi ho! My mom arrives here tonight from New Orleans. I’ve decided to take her with me on the great camping trip of 2011. The more the merrier I say! It may be a bit of a tight squeeze in the car, but if it gets too bad I will lash grandson to the roof.

We need another sleeping bag now. The 2 I bought last week were supposed to be oversized, but 6’2” Mr. Grandson is too long for them. Surely there are sleeping bags for tall guys?!?

After coffee Mr. Husband and I are heading to the army navy surplus to see if anything there catches my fancy. I would like something to sit on this time. In the past it was whatever was available; the ground, a newspaper, rock, milk crate, ant hill. OK I have never personally sat on an anthill, but I do have the ability to quick strip a kid and knock fire ants off them in 60 seconds or less. Should I put that on my resume?

I am also experienced in water rescue. My mom can’t swim so it’s a handy skill to have. We got in over our heads literally and figuratively in a swollen creek in the Texas hill country once upon a time. I gave her a push towards a tree branch and went back to get my daughter, who CAN swim. However she was doing an academy awards performance of the noisiest drowning ever to occur in the history of drowning human kind. I’m sure they heard her screaming in El Paso. I ended up dragging her by her hair to the shore. She was struggling and scratching so hard that it was the only way.

Back at the fire I gave them a stern lecture about clear water in creeks and how it can appear to be shallow while being extremely deep. They agreed sheepishly that I would test the water before they got in instead of after, requiring me to go into full life guard mode when all I wanted to do was peacefully commune with nature. It’s a good thing my mom had me take swimming lessons when I was 4 years old. I don’t fear the water, but I respect it. What I do fear is the nasty little critters IN the water that want to taste you or attach themselves to you. How rude!

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